Confessions of a former bookworm

Posted on by Han_A

These days the struggle for me to stay in a book cannot be understated. I’ll read about one page typically and then think to myself ‘this is okay but how long until the next chapter?’. And having that thought x100 whilst reading a book is often what will put me off or make the book a longer read than anticipated. If the book is unlucky, it may come to a point where I have to consider if I’m enjoying the book enough to continue or would I rather ditch it for a fresh story

However, once in a while, you do come across a book and reading it is sooo easy. You slide through it as butter does on bread and I can pleasantly share, dear readers that I am currently in that moment.

You see, it was never always like this. Right up until college/sixth form, (so 17ish years old) I would say I was a typical bookworm. Always lurking around library bookshelves and Waterstones looking for the latest good read. I loved a good romance Young Adult novel but absolutely lived for a psychological thriller or sci-fi one. The Chaos Walking series by Patrick Ness, The Hunger Games trilogy (and yes, the films aren’t as good as the books), Noughts & Crosses by Malorie Blackman, the list really does go on. In fact, I think I may have written this review in the past during that time of my life.

But now…I remember at university trying and failing on multiple occasions to read for leisure, I think by that point my brain had resolved to reading things for studying purposes only, so reading even more for leisure wasn’t quite something it felt willing to do at the time. This doesn’t mean my love for books has ever faded. For a while after uni, I would read graphic novels, dip into poetry and read short story collections instead to ensure I was still feeding what remained of my reading habit. I still love a good bookshop haul but it does mean my purchases will inevitably take a while to get read. In fact, I think I purchased my current book a few years ago but hadn’t yet brought myself around to read it. Over the years I’ve started and paused (I use this word with the optimistic outlook I will return to them at some point) with many books which, as of writing, sit on a shelf behind me neglected and hoping for a second chance.

I can also be quite a slow reader so my bookworm friends will casually ask what book I’m reading and it will likely be the same one I was reading when I last talked with them a month before. I’ve always been embarrassed by this in the past but to be honest, it is what it is. I like to savour words and what’s happening in every scene and can’t always do that if I’m whizzing through a book at 100mph. I think this priority of the number of books you read is mainly social media driven since ‘bookfluencers’ tend to encourage reading at mass with their one-book-a-day or one-book-a-week type challenges which, for obvious reasons, I’ve never partaken in.

Anyway, rant over.

My current read is Such A Fun Age by Kiley Reid and it has brought me back in reading mode and I’m living for it. I thought to myself whilst recently in the book ‘that’s the reading Hannah I know and love. I knew she was in there somewhere!’ Typically, I usually fall asleep to a Netflix drama (despite always having a book on the go at my bedside. Don’t judge me.) These days I find myself eagerly snuggling in and pushing my phone aside to reach the book and find out what’s happening next. I may or may not write a review on it but so far, I find the characters enjoyable and the exploration of privilege and race in different contexts a refreshing one.

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Are you a slow reader too? What book are you currently reading? Always open to recommendations so drop them below😊

When tech goes wrong: Red Rose – a review

Posted on by Han_A

TW: This drama contains scenes of suicide

Most of us have a love/hate relationship with our phones – their batteries don’t last as long as we would like them to and the apps on them can often waste much of our time, for example. However, the irritating things aside, we are increasingly reliant on them for everyday life – I can barely remember birthdays or my social commitments without mine at this point (the shame, I know.) There’s even a term, believe it or not, for smartphone addiction – Nomophobia, an indicator of just how widespread, if not normal, this phenomenon is becoming in our lives.

This show cleverly taps into this increasing reliance on technology and takes it to a dark extreme. The scariest thing about the whole concept is that it’s not even that farfetched when we think about what tech is capable of and the evil many humans use it for.

The Nitty gritty

The eight episode drama follows a friendship group of six students who have just finished secondary school (year 11 to the UK audience /high school) and are celebrating their freedom in their post-exams summer. Or so they should be. However, a mysterious app named ‘Red Rose’ has other plans for the group and they must eventually end up fighting for their lives (and those of their loved ones) whilst figuring out who is behind the app.

I want to say I started the drama calm and detached but this is anything but true. In fact – and I won’t ruin too much – but RIGHT at the beginning we witness a mysterious and tragic accident without much context. Immediately your mind races with questions that are painstakingly revealed towards the middle to end of the show. The questions don’t ever really end and what follows throughout the drama is a series of events that appear to be unrelated but are at their core all connected.

It’s not all doom and gloom though – there are banterous scenes with humour dotted throughout which help to ease tension and help you relax, even if momentarily. Scenes of kids being kids which made me smile with nostalgia. For example, the scenes at the beginning where they’re celebrating the end of exams and signing each other’s school shirts or the moment they open their results. Made me think about to that feeling of the world being at your feet and the start of something exciting beginning.

My Verdict

In this BBC drama, nothing is as it seems, so be prepared – it’s truly a Northern twist-turner from beginning to end and I’m not complaining! It turned unexpectedly from a show quickly turned into a binge with me on my sofa at 4am doing the classic ‘just one more episode’ and finishing the series. I would be intrigued to see based on the show’s success (it’s trending at number 9 on most watched UK dramas on Netflix at the time of writing) whether a sequel will be in the making. I won’t be mad if they don’t but I’ll definitely be queuing to watch if they do! Overall, would highly recommend.

Some tweet highlights of people reacting to the show:

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Interested? Check out the trailer here. Watched already? Let me know your thoughts!

I do see some similarities between this show and the Mexican drama, Control Z (also set in a high school and involves tech and blackmail), so for fans of this show who fancy another dose, this will be up your street too. You can read my review of that show here.

Thought of the Day: Ageing with pride

Posted on by Han_A

“Grey hair is a crown of splendour; it is attained in the way of righteousness.” (Proverbs 16:31).

When did we become so ashamed to age? To advance through life, accepting with it the advantages and disadvantages life may throw at you physically and mentally as you go along. We’re in a time where people causally have ‘botox parties’ or have regular injections to fight the signs of aging with the anti-aging industry likely being in the millions, if not billions of pounds. If there’s a way to run and hide from that looming shadow of ‘old age’, boy, will we run.

In particular, I increasingly come across many women who are never forthcoming about their age and it’s a bit of shame. In fact, you’ll often be in social situations where you have to think twice about broaching the topic of age with some people in case it causes offence. Which is actually bizarre when you think about it – surely, I’m just asking a factual question? I suspect the logic behind this taboo, which has emerged over time, to openly say your age when you reach a certain point in your life is due to the fact it makes it all the more real. Many worry, particularly, if they’re presumed by the crowd they’re with to be younger, if their real age is known, will they be viewed negatively now? As ignorant, slow or less able, perhaps? Whether you’re 43, 38, or 51 – that’s something to be proud of, wear that badge proudly. Each year that advances is another reason to be grateful, life is too short to be shrouded in shame about something you can’t control.

Of course, there’s wider societal factors at play here. Firstly, in many societies old age is painted as one filled with loneliness, money struggles and physical discomfort. Don’t get me wrong, the stats do show that these things can indeed become more prominent as you get older but it doesn’t have to define the life you have as you get older (I hope!). If that’s all you hear all the time, no wonder you would be scared to let go off your youth.

The media secondly, doesn’t portray enough instances of older or elderly people living fulfilling lives. Even for many actors and models in their industries, as soon as you reach a certain age, you’re only given the mum and grandma roles. For sports people, you go from being on the pitch, in the limelight to doing the commentator or show hosting jobs. There is undeniably a shift in If you’re heralded in the industry it usually correlates if you don’t actually resemble that age. We need more Mamma Mia-type films – where older actors are thriving and living their best lives, forming more intergenerational relationships (not just with family) and filled with a hope/positivity that keeps them going.

*Photo by Christian Bowen on Unsplash

Thought of the Day: Breaking the IG façade

Posted on by Han_A

Not every moment you experience will be IG perfect and that’s okay. You’ll be surprised how averse people are to experiencing moments in their raw unfiltered beauty these days. Instead, because of social media, many think of every moment they experience as a potential social media post. Is this Instagram-worthy? And if not, what can I do to ensure that it is? What should the caption be? And so on. It’s fairly common for people to go a location (supposedly for leisure) and then when it comes to taking photos instead of few natural snaps to memorialise the moment it becomes this eventually stressful endeavor to capture the perfect like-worthy shot.

I knew things were very much going downhill when people a year or two ago criticised an influencer who got engaged. She showed an obligatory photo of the engagement ring on her hand and instead of sharing her joy – as she probably assumed would be the response – many people focused on the fact her nails weren’t manicured in the photo. Since then, it’s been a running joke for many people that their partners should give them a heads-up before a proposal so they can get their nails done. What should be a romantic, intimate moment is now, for the most part transformed by this overwhelming desire to ensure the moment is approved by the numerous unknown eyes viewing it on their timeline. A bit of a shame if you ask me.

This is why, a friend and I concluded over brunch recently, not everything needs to be posted on your socials. It’s very tempting, and I can admit I do fall into this trap more often than none. I’ll be bopping to music playing at a gig and think to myself, ‘I should probably post something on my story’. As if people actually care. Regardless of if they do or don’t, the moral of this story is sometimes you just need to put your phone down and enjoy the moment.

*Photo by Omkar Patyane: https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-using-smartphone-238480/

2023 is here – Happy new year!

Posted on by Han_A

It’s that time of year when people tie themselves in knots

Jumping through hoops of resolution

Which grow shakier with time

As they pick and prune themselves

Hoping to craft a better person

Than they were only a few hours before

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2022 was a wild ride, and it’s time to strap ourselves in for another (hopefully wild in a good way, of course!) Happy new year, readers! 😊🥰

*Photo by Dmitriy Zub on Unsplash

Thought of the Day: No such thing as can’t

Posted on by Han_A

Aren’t overly positive people slightly annoying at times? Don’t get me wrong, it’s an attitude that’s mostly welcomed and has been many-a-time just what I needed to hear to motivate myself to do things or get through certain situations. Sometimes there’s nothing like a good ol’ ‘Yes we can’ Obama style speech to get us pumped up and feel ready to rule the world. However, at other times I do feel there is a level of positivity people ooze that doesn’t quite concur with the reality around them.

I remember on one random occasion saying to someone oh yeah ‘I don’t do that’ or I can’t do xxx’ and they were like ‘why not? ‘there’s no such thing as can’t’. To me, yes there is. And yes, there should be. I do admire the sentiment of the phrase but I think there can sometimes be a misunderstanding as to why someone is saying ‘I can’t do this’. I’m not saying ‘I’ll never do it’ – because. who knows I one day might! However, I’m speaking in that moment in time and acknowledging I have a gap in my ability – no I can’t do this xx CURRENTLY.

But let’s also keep in mind that just because it’s something you could in theory master or learn how to do, it doesn’t mean you should. We’re only one person with 24 hours a day and numerous responsibilities, at the end of the day. So we should pick carefully what we pour our time and energy in or give attention to.

I think being realistic and acknowledging your limitations in such a way can be empowering. I would even go as far to say not many of us do it enough. It may be a downer for some people but in all honesty that’s how you grow – you group things in different categories; primarily ‘things you can’t do’ and ‘things you can’ and then you may one day wonder, how can I tranfer this item from the ‘can’t category to the ‘can’ one?. And thus, a journey of discovery and growth begins.

*Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Thought of the Day: Built to Last

Posted on by Han_A

Don’t you miss the days when things were built sturdy, to stand through tough times? To be fair, I’m quite young so maybe I don’t recall much of ‘those days’ but I do remember things like the solid old-school Nokia phones which could survive through any roughs and tumbles thrown their way. Back in school as a teenager, I recall one of my friends telling the story of how she washed her clothes only to eventually look through the washing machine door with dread and helplessness as she realised her phone was in one of the pockets. Long story short – the phone (a Nokia or Sony Erikson I believe) survived.

Of course, they don’t build phones – or literally any product – like that anymore. I mean even the new houses being built across London look a bit suspect compared to their older, Victorian counterparts.

These days it appears price does not always mean longevity so it can be hard to tell what would be a wise investment and what would last longest. Product warranties are getting shorter and shorter – for one, it really doesn’t make sense that you can spend over a grand on a phone – quite a hefty investment for some of us! – that only has a one-year warranty (Yes, Apple I’m looking at you). On top of that, the business models of brands like Apple mean that they start to phase out phones really quickly and at an increasingly fast pace. Your phone may have come out 2-4 years ago and suddenly it’s out of date and barely being sold in shops anymore. So even if you tried to be rebellious, and hold onto your phone as long as you can, you’ll end up being forced to get a new one sooner or later because Apple will stop providing security software support and updates general updates to your phone. This makes your phone vulnerable to attacks or the work of hackers (which I’m sure noooo-one wants.) Such is the capitalist system we live in!

I say that but then again there are brands out there known for their quality products which often then to be very endurant – i.e. Dr. Martins and Birkenstocks. I invested in both this past year and think I’ll be trying to continue to try and intentionally invest more in such brands because, let’s be honest, the hassle of replacing things that break unexpectedly or/and very inconveniently can be stress we really don’t need more of in this life.

If you’re interested in doing the same you may be interested in this Youtube channel which covers this topic. The couple also has a new related channel you can check out here.

I also have a previous blog post on sustainability here which you may fancy reading too 🙂 .

*Photo by Eirik Solheim on Unsplash

Thought of the Day: Prepare for the Worst

Posted on by Han_A

Every day I prepare to leave the house I look at the weather forecast and use the unfolding climate for that day to decide how I’ll dress for that day. If it rains or is raining (a common occurrence during UK winters!), I’ll ensure I’m wearing my winter coat or have alternative protection in the form of my umbrella. If only life was like that – we could scroll through what circumstances would come next and prepare ourselves – and our hearts – accordingly. For many people, more often than we would like, circumstances turn for the worst and thus, an uphill battle begins. A cancer diagnosis, a sudden redundancy, a loss in the family, a theft at home or even on the street. Life is mad and maddening, it loves to throw us curveballs that do NOT discriminate and are probably more frequent than we tell ourselves. When these things happen they can do so out of the blue and unfold at a flash of light. Your landlord raises your rent and suddenly you’re in arrears and out wandering the streets with all your belongings in one suitcase.

Reading the above just now, I’m probably not telling you anything you don’t already know. Yet, despite knowing all this, it’s interesting that we often do not prepare as if those things may even happen to us. We read stories and often go ‘that’s horrible for them’ but suffer some sort of dissonance and never imagine we could be wearing those shoes ourselves. I recall roughly a scene from the book My Sisters Keeper by Jodi Picoult where the protagonist’s dad, who is a firefighter, is at the scene of a house where a fire happened. He asks the house owners if they had insurance and they admit they don’t because they never thought something like that would happen to them. As someone who is going through a bad situation, one of those situations he thought would never happen to him (one of his daughters has cancer) he thinks to himself about the homeowner – what a privilege it is to think like that.

There’s a prominent fallacy that if we prepare for the worst – i.e. taking out life insurance, maybe even telling our family our wishes for funeral arrangements, then we’re somehow tempting fate or bringing bad ‘voodoo’ our way. This belief is prevalent in some communities more than others (I’ve even come across is many a time myself) but I believe it can be harmful. As adults, if it can be afforded, we need to be taking out life insurance and taking other necessary steps to shield ourselves and our loved ones from worst-case scenarios. It’s what I can only describe as being wise, people can be cruel and so can life in general. However, we don’t have control over other people or life in general so we need to do what we can with what we can control.

*Photo by Craig Whitehead on Unsplash

Thought of the Day: Rise & Shine

Posted on by Han_A

More and more this year I’ve found myself longing to become more of a ‘morning person’. You know, the kind of person who happily and easily rises at 6am to go about their day. You see this all the time in magazines like Stylist where they interview businesswomen and men and without a doubt all of them awake daily at 6am, if not earlier, with yoga stretches (or a jog) and a green smoothie. They make a to-do list, listen to a motivational podcast and then feel ready to conquer the world – and make more money, of course.

I can 100% percent say that is very much not me at the moment and that most mornings can be a heavy wrestle with the bed to get up. Each effort to arise seems to sink me deeper into the mattress and the rational part of my mind which is filled with urgency and the aspirational part of my mind which has none whatsoever battle each other. I set about four alarms (I know, don’t judge me) which all annoy me and surprise in equal measure when they go off even when I know I set them. In fact, I often feel like an imposter amongst a word of mainly morning people. Of course I have to adapt to survive (and have a job) but I actually find myself more productive in the evening and night. I’ll often have random ideas float to the surface of my mind at numerous points of the night and feel the need to urgently write them down. It’s actually the process of how a lot of my poetry and some earlier blog content has been written. But it is the dream though to be more of a morning person as opposed to someone who just rises early out of necessity. I often find on the days when I can wake up slightly earlier – I have more time to psyche myself up for the day, to pray and reflect before getting ready to go to the office and/or open my laptop.

Luckily at the moment I can rely on my body clock to wake me up consistently at a reasonable time to get things done but this is still something I struggle with so I’m very open to any tips. So far I’ve read about setting a to-do list for the day, meditation, brief morning exercise and making sure you read something in the morning.

What about you, are you a morning person or night owl? And do you have any tips on how to make the most of your morning?

*Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash

Thought of the Day: Have a little patience

Posted on by Han_A

Hello folks,

It’s been a little while so it’s nice to be back. Since I last posted I’ve moved jobs, so I’ve just been adjusting to a new work setting, getting to know new people and processing bucketloads of information.

We live in a world where everything is available on demand, so it doesn’t seem too surprising that patience is a very rare trait. Get-rich-quick schemes, schemes promising to help people lose weight or gain pleasure instantly are common scams as old as time, which evolve with the times but have mainly found their success by tapping into the lack of patience people have regarding such issues. Even I’m guilty of this, I often start a new role or project and expect to pick it up in a few days. I did this at a previous job, constantly comparing myself to people at the company who had spent years honing their craft (which really makes no sense, now that I reflect on it!)

The Bible in Galatians calls patience a Fruit of the Spirit – that is, a character trait which becomes evident in a Christian as they become spiritually transformed by Christ. Patience can be easier in some circumstances than others; I’m likely to find it easier to wait 10 minutes longer for a Deliveroo order than deal for an hour with difficult personalities in a social setting, for example. However, we can start being self-aware – what things cause and stem from our impatience? Are you, putting unrealistic expectations on yourself or a situation, for example? Reflection is key, prayer is key and hopefully, together we can work towards becoming more patient people!

*Image: Photo by Osama Saeed on Unsplash