You like to live your life out loud
Your decisions making large echoes as you go
Whilst I live mine in careful whispers
My choices wrapped carefully in thought and planted like seeds
Waiting to grow.
We live in a city where dwellers roam the intersection of boy and man
Carrying blades close to skin
And the weight of a masculinity seeped in poison
Ego eats the mind, reincarnating itself as blood on the streets
Darkness which eclipses the heart
Dagger is protection
Person is foe
Two truths can exist
But in the end only one life can live
How did it get to this?
If we’re not careful ‘the grass is always greener’,
Is a mentality that can dictate our lives
Like an angry colonel, deafening and persistent
It turns split second smiles to plastic
It eats away at our happiness as we stand in the midst of it
A relentless fire that starts to burn the ground of your security
Perhaps, the grass is only greener because you’re scorching the ground
of the life-giving grass you already stand on.
What a blessing it is
To get a glimpse of love in this lifetime
To call it by name
And hear it respond
Knowing that it’s yours
He looks into his glass
Hoping to see the reflection of a saviour
In the swirl of brown liquor before him.
Propped up by the blindness of others
He sips and is violently propelled to a high
Of ethereal happiness
Narrowly just avoiding the grasps of reality
By ordering another drink
The moments where I push
Through the doubt
And feel your goodness shining on my face on the other side
I look forward to the day
you are able to scatter the ashes of your sorrows
on the wind
to the sound of vocalised victory.
To the broken and downtrodden
To those who feel ignored or forgotten
I write this as 2020 is now in full flow.
Some people entered the New Year not filled with the same hope and optimism as those around them.
Perhaps as the fireworks launched on New Year’s the emptiness within you burned just a strong.
Or maybe you enjoyed the night but couldn’t ignore the feeling that someone who could no longer be there should have been by your side sharing the moment.
Maybe you’re entering the New Year jobless; having fallen far from the benchmark of success you set yourself the year before.
Perhaps you look at the New Year ahead and something won’t let you be happy; the uncertainty that the next 12 months may hold fills you with dread.
Just know that you have not been forgotten. You’re in my thoughts. And things will change; it may be a slow-burning change but it will come.
I’ve been quiet for a while so I thought I would just celebrate the weekend with another poem of mine 🙂
Sometimes you don’t
realise you’re at war
Until you’re lying on the ground
sore with scars and wounded.
Beneath the fragile surface of your laughter
the tears you are drowning in.
I’ve always been fascinated with this idea of everyone hiding a secret pain and suffering. That perhaps the strong person welding a smile or air of politeness there’s pain lingering inside. I remember when I was in primary school and in music class we learned The Beatles’ song ‘Eleanor Rigby’. In the song is the line:
‘Eleanor Rigby…waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door,
who is it for?’
I remember my young mind literally imagining a lady carefully taking a pale mask out of a jar each day and applying it to her face as she steps out of her door and into the world. But of course, nowadays- now that I am older I see it differently. Each of us wears a mask out of necessity because let’s be honest; I’m sure there have been many times where someone has asked ‘how are you?‘ and you’ve wanted to say ‘not great’ but held back. For me, that happens way too often but I’m sure its a common occurrence for many. But every time we grin and nod that’s our mask playing its role and coming into use. In fact, we probably do way more than we know, and sometimes without ourselves noticing.
I try to keep this in mind when approaching people, it’s always good to be aware that a smile hides 1000 things. It makes you navigate conversation carefully with people and more open to people maybe saying a simple ‘no’ when asked ‘Are you okay?’