We probably don’t think enough about how our words interact with our memory and consequently shape our lives. Someone can say something and even if it’s something said mindlessly or off the cuff, someone around them may remember it for a lifetime. It’s quite scary to think about really, and makes you realise communication in any form comes with a heavier sense of responsibility than we think.

To provide a brief example, I remember watching an episode of The Simpsons where Marge takes her daughter Lisa on a shopping trip to try some clothes on. When Lisa comes out the of changing room in an outfit, Marge in passing makes a comment about her body which was clearly said with no malice, but throughout the rest of the episode, we see it starts to trigger insecurities about her body that Lisa never had before. There was a memorable scene where they show what it looks like inside Lisa’s mind. It’s a land of fields and clear blue skies and fairies. But when her mum makes that comment the word becomes a stone statue in the middle of that land, taking up room and spoiling the landscape, which was once peaceful.

However, towards the end of the episode, we see that even most of the adults in Springfield (the town where The Simpsons live) have been scarred in the past by something said to them – with that one word now following them around, a stone statue in their own minds. Marge in particular had been scarred by something her own mum said to her so the incident with Lisa was almost like a subtle cycle which she had continued, unintentionally, of course.

The ability to easily detach ourselves from our words is probably how some bullies sleep well at night. They just speak as they wish, unaware of the harm they do with their harsh words on a regular basis to those around them. Whatever end we are on when it comes to harsh words – whether we say them or receive them, we need to be better at reflecting on things said and speaking up. Whether it’s saying ‘sorry’ or ‘the way you said that made me feel comfortable/hurt me/was disrespectful’ we need to communicate to lessen potential damage which could trickle into the future. I mean, you can’t get a refund on words or turn back time – but that’s the next best thing!