A recent post on Instagram reminded me of the blunt truth that some people don’t like you and never will. The people pleaser in me feels very indignant about that reality, thinking ‘Surely there’s something you can do or say to make everyone like you. Maybe you just haven’t discovered what that is yet.’

But the reality is, it’s not true. And although being unliked can be controlled or addressed in some circumstances, particularly if you (perhaps unknowingly) caused the hostility, sometimes it can’t. It might sometimes be because of factors you can’t control or don’t know, and that can be very frustrating. It can feel like an unsolvable puzzle which, no matter how much head scratching you don’t get closer to finding answers. And it can suck particularly if the hostility comes from someone you think is amazing – it’s just that they sadly don’t view you the same way.

It’s why the Biblical command to love others (John 13:34) can be very trying at the best of times. It’s all smooth sailing when the love and kindness is reciprocated but when others don’t see your worth or like you – how do you just blindly do the same? Even I’m (admittedly) sometimes inclined to like or value people a lot less if I don’t feel they don’t like me. We get a dopamine hit from being loved, appreciated and cared for so it’s very easy to avoid or throw people to the wayside if they don’t give you that feeling through positive treatment. I mean, love between humans will always be conditional in some shape or form – even if we perceive it not to be. (It’s what makes the way God loves us so spectacular and special! 😊).

As humans, alone in our own strength, I’m inclined to believe it’s impossible to love the way John 13 commands. We’ll always need divine help for this. But how others feel or behave towards us should not dictate the worth and value we see in them. As the new year approaches, even if you’re going into it quite indifferent and with low expectations – perhaps we can put on our goal list to have the courage to love others more boldly.

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash