We always put replies off when they involve the slightest bit of negativity or confrontation.

“No”

“I don’t want to go.”

“I can’t make it but thank you.”

For me as an overthinker, I’m usually toying in my mind about the best way to phrase these replies so I don’t come across as brash, harsh or hurt the person they’re directed to in the process. The problem is that thinking process can become so consuming you forget to actually send the reply! Suddenly days have ended and a week and a half has gone by. Or the person nudges you and that feeling of dread arises.

It’s not like that for all of us, of course. Some people don’t really put much thought into it and can easily say ‘no’. I’m not sure what their secret is. Perhaps, there’s a level of detachment to the words they’re saying which they may have mastered over time and which makes it easier to reject or confront people. The medium of tech probably helps make that easier.

But them aside, the average person tends to fret when having to be the bearer of ‘bad’ news. I see this even with the way employers communicate. If they take a while to get back to you about, say a job (or another random query), it’s most likely a polite no. Sometimes they’ll have a template response they’ll send, at others they’ve taken a while to respond because they’re trying to find the right word combo which allows them to break the news to you.

Ideally, we need to start being more confident with relaying such messages and trust that the other person will read it and land on their feet, even despite some initial unhappiness.

I woke up and started my day a few months ago with some amazing clarity. I had a lot of conversations I needed to respond to, so I realised now is the time. My mind was buzzing with the rare desire to tackle those ‘difficult’ conversations that had long overdue answers.

A friend’s invitation and a few opportunities I needed to decline.

A guy who I was talking to on an app who I needed to give ‘we’re not on the same page so goodbye’ talk too.

All these difficult conversations? Done in a matter of minutes. It’s amazing how much you’re capable of once the things that make you procrastinate or fear those tasks disappear. I’ve had the longing to have such moments of clarity again but admittedly haven’t since.

Ah well. It was nice while it lasted, I guess.

Photo by Andre Taissin on Unsplash