Author: Han_A

Cheers to that: the stuggle of a selective social drinker

Posted on by Han_A

Society has apparently gone through a shift. Many are ditching alcohol to pursue sobriety. Or so that’s the story I’ve seen on many lifestyle focused newspaper articles and podcasts. 

Alcohol Change UK, for example, states that 1 in 5 adults in the UK (20%) report not to drink alcohol. The trend of being ‘sober curious’ has increased over time, particularly amongst GenZ who are seen to be more health conscious than previous generations.

And to some extent, talking to people I know about why they stopped or reduced their alcohol consumption does validate these claims. However, one thing I’m noticing is that many of the restaurants and bars are not in on this shift. It’s an interesting mismatch since businesses are usually on the forefront of adapting their offering to cater to trends. I mean, it’s not necessarily an expectation but is typically what makes business sense.

I myself am not a big drinker, it doesn’t mean I’m teetotal. However, I find myself to not be a massive fan of the taste of most types of alcohol. That compared with the fact mocktails and soft drinks are always cheaper means drinking alcohol will never be my default preference – even in pub or bar. When I do drink it will indeed be socially and usually, whether I like to admit it or not, due to some underlying social pressure. You deciding not to drink often becomes the topic of conversation, people often acting as if they’ve just discovered you’re joining a nunnery. It’s quite tiring at times. All a girl wants is to drink her lemonade in peace, but no can do. 😅

Despite 20% of the UK not drinking, you’ll be surprised that I still go to places, request mocktails at their bar and get blank stares from the bartender. Typically, I’ll see them struggle to answer, or get a blunt no and have to succumb to a soft drink or tap water. This has happened more often than expected. Something I’ve also noticed is that a lot of offers for food involve an alcohol and tend to not have a non-alcoholic alternative. I remember going to a spa many years ago with a friend and being greeted on arrival with prosecco. It was a lovely visit but when asking if they had any drink alternatives they just answered ‘no’. This indicates to me they’ve never even considered the fact guests booking the voucher may not drink. How bizarre and how frustrating.

Some bars and restaurants are doing a great job though, embracing a full range of mocktails on their menu and non-alcoholic beers and gins. What I appreciate the most is creativity, having a tailored menu in this area shows you really value all customers and put thought into everything you offer – not just the alcoholic choices because they’re more popular.

Overall I would say yes, The Alcohol Change UK stats show that non-drinkers are indeed a national minority still. However, catering to just the majority does not mean you’re catering to the whole, and to be fully inclusive – that’s important. Yes, it can be costly to implement but it’s always a worthwhile investment.

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Photo by Andra C Taylor Jr on Unsplash

Rules of Engagement

Posted on by Han_A

LOVE IS IN THE AIR (again)! 💕💖

Is it me, or does it feel like everyone was getting married in late September this year?

Don’t get me wrong, I love love – I was even at a wedding myself recently!

However, it did get me thinking of what I wanted my proposal to look like.

Recently, when talking to a friend who was herself heading to a surprise proposal for someone else, I said I’m happy for my man (when I have one lol) to propose to me on the sofa. She was quite surprised, and we laughed about it because it was clear we had opposing views on this. And maybe sofa is a bit of an understatement – I still definitely want effort and a carefully crafted affair.

The sentiment of wanting it to be a private and beautiful moment – ideally between just us two – still stands. When I think of the idea of public proposals, something about them just increases my stress levels massively. Although they can be a great chance to splash cash and exercise creativity, they’re too ‘in your face’ for a momentous event that shouldn’t really be anyone else’s business.

I remember there was even a TV show for a brief time on BBC Three, which followed an agency which solely specialised in creating public engagement ideas – think flashmobs and bright costumes. Their existence shows the appetite for lavish proposals is huge! Quite questionable to me, but also an unsurprising sign of the times. I do get the appeal, customers that go to them and do these lavish proposals want to scream about their love from the city rooftops. A private affair, perhaps, is doing a disservice and not reflective of their passion for their partner (or so they believe). It definitely screams confidence – to echo Isla Fisher’s quote from Definitely Maybe.

However, for me, when you have a large crowd of people, there’s a natural need to perform and act/respond in a certain way. Most people will say ‘yes’ through teary eyes, but I often wonder if it sometimes feels like slight coercion. So many eyes are on you, waiting for a positive response. They want to cheer and clap and then go about their daily lives, forgetting about you. Yet it’s you who has to live with whatever answer you say in that moment – particularly if it’s not a genuine one. Buy what else can you really say in that moment? I’m not the best actor in the world; if completely blindsided in such a way, I worry that my face will betray me, and annoyance or confusion will show. And not in a cute way.

There’s also an Instagrammification of proposals that also bothers me. They’re literally moments that have ‘fake privacy’, tailored to look good for online posts now. And you can quickly see it when you search for them on the app. I’ve done so, for the research purposes of this post, and can tell you that a solid 95% of them have a standing love heart arch made of roses, and lots of rose petals on the ground. Is there any other way to do proposals these days? Well, according to social media – no. To me, this tarnishes the moment, distorting it to something that’s more for the spectators as opposed to those there in the moment.

No natural way to end this post but let’s make proposals great again, and keep them for an audience of two, please.

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Do you have any stories of proposals you’ve witnessed, attended or even your own? Would love to hear them! Comment below and let’s chat 😊

Last of the Summer Days

Posted on by Han_A

Summer is gone.

So yes, the title of this post isn’t entirely correct (but is any headline these days?).

We’re in that weird period where summer has ended, but the sun is trying to hold on to its last days of glory.

I’ve done my mourning, but what I’m probably not mentally ready for is the shorter days, particularly when you leave the office and it’s already dark or the sun is starting to set. 😭

What this means in the UK is that the weather is fairly unstable and predictable. There are lots of clouds and ghastly winds on most days right now. We even had hailstones a few weeks ago, for goodness sake.

Each day, I look at the weather forecast and try to figure out if it’s a winter coat or denim coat day. The former is the winner of the majority of those votes on most days, and I suspect I’ll be upgrading to full-time winter coat wearing in a matter of days, if not weeks.

I enjoyed the summer, but Autumn sun is so wholesome – there’s something about it that can’t really be captured or described in a sentence. However, we seem to have missed that lovely Autumn sun period, so I’m a bit sad, I can’t lie. Then again, October awaits, so I may be proven wrong. Who knows.

I’m cautiously optimistic.

TOTD: Don’t be picky with your kindness 

Posted on by Han_A

My current watch on Netflix is a Korean drama called Hierarchy. The series is set in an elite private school. It explores the school’s (toxic) mini-society. The story centres on the protagonist, academy newbie, Kang-Ha, who’s there to turn it upside down. He has an agenda, but it turns out, he’s not the only one. Very riveting watch so far, would recommend. 

One couple in the show (Jae-i and Ri-an); experience a sudden break-up. ‘Sudden’ in the sense that Jae-i doesn’t necessarily explain why the breakup is happening, she just asks for it and goes on her way. Throughout the rest of the drama this activates some possessive monster in her ex, Ri-an, who is keen to win her back at all costs. When that doesn’t work, he decides to sabotage or physically harass anyone who remotely gets close to Jae-i.

I’m coming to the end of the show, and I can’t help thinking Ri-an is a terrible human being. Very self-involved, territorial, and unstable emotionally. However, when we see the flashbacks of him in his relationship with his ex, we see very caring, tender and emotionally vulnerable moments. Them running on the beach. The pair cosying up together on the sofa etc.

This brings me to my main point for today. This trope of the boyfriend who’s brutally mean to everyone except their partner needs to end. Firstly, why is that not a red flag? Even if you’re the most lover of lover boys, why does your kindness and compassion end when you’re not around me or in my vicinity? It’s a big indication of someone’s character if that’s their habit, and not in a good way. 

I suspect this trope comes up a lot because film and TV writers think ‘oooo look, we’re creating a very 3D character/love interest here.’ ‘There’s more to him than meets the eye. Yes, he’s a ravaging bully who destroys souls, but look at how passionately he can love the female lead. Determined to protect her and make her laugh in every way.’ 

I get it, I get it. And yes, we are in desperate need of more complex, authentic characters – emotionally vulnerable and especially male ones. The intention and good idea are there, but with questionable execution, perhaps. 

But if you’re that picky with your kindness and refuse to acknowledge the humanity in everyone other than your partner? Then there’s something sincerely wrong there, so I’ll politely give it a pass. It’s why the dating period is primarily one of observation at the best of times. How does your date speak to those around them? Family and friends are included in that list. But the TRUE test is in the nature of their interactions with those you don’t have any particular relationship or emotional attachment to. Waiters at restaurants. Cleaners in offices and hotels. 

What do you think? Would love to exchange thoughts in the comments! 🙂

Thought of the Day: Just another capitalist mule

Posted on by Han_A

Don’t you feel the fatigue of always been targeted my adverts?

Buy this! Try that! 30 Day Free Trial! Two for the Price of one!

There’s so many of them and often I’m glazed over, in an indifferent state. But equally, there are times when I’m just trying to simply gather my thoughts and then I look over, perhaps whilst standing at the train station, and BAM I spot an advert. Intrusive, bold and pushy. Selling me something shiny and trying to convince me I can’t live without it. It’s like we can’t be left alone for a split second.

I open my emails, filled with ads and newsletters aggressively trying to sell something you likely don’t need or can’t afford. Same with TV. Same now with many streaming sites, as they embrace advertising in order to offer cheaper tiers of membership. And don’t get me started on podcasts – even on Spotify Premium they’re now rife. There’s literally no refuge. Unless you fork out the money that is, and who has the time for that.

Often, the ads are irrelevant and not of interest. And even if it is I’m often sceptical thinking that the product or offer being pushed out has some small print designed to catch me out. It’s why I barely ever sign up for free trials because I fear suddenly being caught in a web, trying to escape a service I don’t even like, use or intend to use long-term (think meal prep kits, exercise classes and streaming subscriptions). As you’ll know, based on experiences with customer services, if I can avoid having to fight customer services on the phone, then I will.

Instagram is where I can easily fall prey, so I have to be extra vigilant. Advertisements gently slip onto your timeline in the form of glossy, carefully manufactured content from influencers. Sometimes they’re so good you don’t even realise they’re an ad, especially if you’re not in the habit of properly reading post captions. Even the other day I saw an influencer advertising a spa getaway somewhere in the UK. I’m a sucker for a weekend getaway and a hot tub (a killer combo, if you ask me) so I perked up. I instantly went to her page and started looking through the hotel page. I closed it immediately after seeing the price per night because it was ridiculously expensive. Very annoying but I’m sure my bank account was thankful for my moment of wisdom.

How do you feel about adverts? Have you fallen for any against your better judgment that you can look back on at laugh at now?

*Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

Why Your Planner Friend Deserves a Break

Posted on by Han_A

Don’t you just love it when a good plan comes together?

It’s a peaceful night. You’re out with your friends enjoying life, sipping a drink and chatting away in a restaurant and thinking about how you love moments in life like this. The joy. The chat. The food.

You know who also loves a good plan coming together? Your planner friend.

We all have them. The friend in the group chat who drives forward plans, determined to make them a reality beyond everyone just saying ‘it would be great to catch up sometime’. They’ll do polls and send lots of replies, nudging everyone to get involved or send them money for an outing. They’re driven, they’re doers, and yes, they can be impatient, but they’re also efficient and can be trusted to get the task done. They’re close to priceless when it comes to planning important life events like baby showers and hen dos (bacherlettes and surprise birthday parties.) In fact, it’s in those moments their skills and organisation levels shine brightest.

However, as a self-identified planner friend myself, I write this to say, sometimes your planner friends need a break! They can’t always be the ones trusted to be proactive and make things happen. Although they can do it, are good at it and may often even get joy out of it, IT DOESN’T MEAN THEY SHOULD ALWAYS DO IT. What can then happen is that some friendship groups may fall into a dynamic where they over-rely on the planner to make things happen. If that friend can’t make the event, then the plan doesn’t happen, or it does but is shoddily planned and executed.

Enough is enough. Treat your planner friend once in a while (if not, more) and show that they can put their feet up. That their love for their friends isn’t unrequited – effort is taking place on all sides other than theirs. I get it, we’re all busy people and have lots going on in life. But it does sometimes get to a point where you have to evaluate your capabilities and time. What are you prioritising? Surely not everything in your diary is inflexible and important? A quick shuffling around of commitments can sometimes be all it takes to free up your time to do some planning. And that’s if planning even needs that much time, often the steps towards making a social happen can be quick and easy with minimal time needed (once a plan has been decided, that is!)

If the planner friend never catches a break, then there can be a danger of resentment building. And trust me, it’s only when the planner friend takes a step back or decides to ‘retire’ that you realise just how important a role they played in the friendship group.

Moral of the story: Give your planner friend(s) a break. They are valuable, so treat them like it!

*Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

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Any other planner friends in the house? Let me know your experiences below so we can find our tribe.

Improve Your Dating Profile: 5 Things Men Need to Change

Posted on by Han_A

Love is in the air! And with Valentine’s Day soon approaching, I’m emotionally preparing for my social media timelines to be flooded with manicured dates, and several rose petal engagement announcements.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love love but at this particular time of year, for those of us single and still searching, it can be quite raw. Almost like a scar that only hurts when prodded.

That being said, I am a romantic at heart, so I do use dating apps, hoping to one day match with the dream person (because, who knows – it could happen). As someone who is a well-seasoned navigator of dating apps (on and off), I’m writing this to men who also use these apps. I’ve had enough of men who are unserious and half-heartedly using these apps.

Here’s five things you need to stop doing on apps this year, please!

  1. Boring conversation

Nothing irritates me more than this.  If you’re just going to waste someone’s time with one worded answers then leave them alone. Every day it’s ‘hi’, ‘how are you?’ on repeat but nothing much seems to happen beyond that and I’M TIRED. Sometimes I think maybe I’m not asking good enough questions, but lately I’ve started to notice that even with questions I’ve intentionally asked to get longer answers some people stubbornly refuse to give them. I did confront someone once when I believed I was asking all the questions and he wasn’t. He immediately got defensive and refused to believe that was true. As you can imagine, that match didn’t last long.

All I’ll say on this is that don’t have half hearted conversations and then wonder why you’ve been ghosted! If you have to copy and paste conversation starters from Google, so be it. Just so some effort because the person you match with cannot get a sense of your interest if you don’t.

2. Not reading people’s profiles

It’s been long said that men are visual creatures. And even if you aren’t necessarily one, dating app interfaces are undeniably created to favour visuals. Photos take up more space on a profile and there’s generally more of them in the ratio of photos to words. What this therefore means is that people that match with you may not read your profile properly before doing so. They’ll just see a photo or two and like your profile.

They’ll likely only read it after matching and realise ‘oh wait – she lives too far’ or ‘oh goodness, she’s looking for something long term and I’m not’. That’s when ghosting may happen, or they may not reply to even begin with. Save yourself the stress and just read the profile in advance before swiping right.

On the flips side, one of my favourite things is when a man matches with me and during the conversation refers to my profile in our chat i.e. – ‘I see you’re a big bookworm – I read this awesome book recently…’ because it shows thoughtfulness and attention to detail. Gold stars all around.

3. Minimal effort profiles

Minimal effort, will get you minimal returns. Yes, say it with me again so it marinates. Put some more effort into your profile, take some decent photos that represent your personality and how you spend your life (i.e. hobbies, outings, friends etcs). Too many profiles from men have one word answers, copy and pasted jokes (God forbid I read another line about pineapple on pizza) and voicenotes that make no sense to any logical human being. It’s gotten to the point where it’s even made great fodder for a social media page (check out @hingeboiz on Instagram).

4. Questionable photos

Many men will use the standard photos of themselves with a dog or baby, to unlock the ‘awwws’ in a woman’s heart. Nothing wrong with that – in fact, I often enjoy these photos. The photos I don’t understand are shots with women that look awfully close for comfort. Yes, men and women can indeed be friends but out of all shots you chose that one?

Other photo choices I find questionable – memes, using the same photo twice or more and gym selfies (can’t explain it but they give me a major ick.)

Also contrary to popular belief – you can SMILE in photos! Whoever told you that not doing so, as man, looks sexier, is lying. You aren’t applying for a post in the navy and we need to see you have a happy side somehow.

5. Not using your real name

Obviously, it’s within your right to choose what name you put on your profile. But may I suggest your actual government name being a good place to start? More and more these days I see people using names that clearly aren’t their real ones. ‘Mr Nice Guy’, ‘Tee’ and other random names. The question therefore becomes, why are you doing this? What are you so keen to hide? If it’s your presence on the app then people will likely figure that out from your photos alone – which are an easier identifier than your first name, by the way. It’s giving, dishonesty; so, a very light red (and unavoidable) flag, if you ask me.

It’s really a miracle I’ve been able to condense it to five points but there we are. If you are using dating apps and feeling a similar way, why not send this article in the direction of someone who you’re talking to, who is wasting your time. Maybe they’ll read between the lines (or the actually lines of this post) and get the message.

Photo by Alexander Sinn on Unsplash

Just You & Me: Why Quality Time Matters

Posted on by Han_A

There’s something about quality time with the right person that can dramatically uplift you.

I don’t know, perhaps it’s because I’m introverted and its one of my top official love languages. But upon talking to many other people about this topic, I think I’m not alone in thinking this. There’s something invaluable and incredibly meaningful about spending time with someone.

And yes, whilst group catch ups definitely have their place and can come under the umbrella of ‘quality time’, I would argue that ideal quality time is always (ideally) in a 1-2-1 setting.

The problem with this for most of us? Time. Quality time, as rewarding as it may be, is quite time intensive. This is why many people under utilise it. It may be that they’re hesitant to invest the time or eventually end up prioritising other things that take up less time. We have to fight with friends for time in their calendar, and many friends have to do the same with us

So, because most of us are time poor, some of us have developed the unhealthy habit of applying a ‘two birds one stone’ approach to quality time scheduled with those close to us. What does this mean? Well, if you’re meeting up with one friend, let’s call her Anna, you decide instead of making it a one to one, you’ll chuck in another friend, lets call her Cathy. The result is a singular meet up with both Anna and Cathy.

From your perspective it’s great – you’re busy and have been meaning to catch up with each of them for a while. Now, you get to do this in one clean swoop over coffee. Everyone leaves a winner, right? Wrong.

I absolutely hate this approach and, as tempting as it may be, always have to check myself to see if that mentality may be creeping into my social life planning. Because yes, even if Cathy and Anna know each other and you all end up having a great time, because there’s three of you there, you may still leave feeling like you didn’t actually get to properly catch up. Sometimes in group dynamics vulnerability becomes limited because it’s easier for it to feel ill placed. Also, what if Cathy wanted to tell you very personal news but now can’t because Anna is there? Or what if you start catching up and it quickly becomes clear that Anna has gone through a LOT in the last few weeks, so she unknowingly starts dominating the conversation. Next thing you know, all three of you are leaving for home and no one has a clue what’s up in Cathy’s life because she barely got to talk.

“Sometimes in group dynamics vulnerability becomes limited because it’s easier for it to feel ill placed.”

And what about situations where Anna and Cathy don’t know each other? I’ve been in these situations before. What tends to happen is that, as the Anna or Cathy in the situation, I think that I’m catching up with a friend alone. But when I arrive at our meeting spot, they’re with another friend, so what you thought would be a much needed catch up one on one ends up being an awkward dinner between three (sometimes more) people. And you know what they say about three people.

Moral of this story – don’t underestimate the power or quality time in a one-to-one format. For very tight friendship groups, i.e. ones with 3-6 people, it can feel a bit like a betrayal to not include everyone at every outing you arrange. Just know though that that is never going to be possible anyway. Neither is it conducive for each individual member of the group. One to one catch ups are vital to the sustaining of friendships and to actually getting to know people on a deeper level outside of a group setting. It’s easier for people to feel seen, appreciated and listened to (as long as you’re present!) and that feeling is priceless.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

Love or Loyalty? When your heart is divided: A review of A Suitable Boy and Love + Hate

Posted on by Han_A

In a battle over family or love what would end up winning for you?

Most people envision falling in love with people that their family would approve of. But when the chips don’t fall that way (since life always has other plans, after all) – what do you do? Do you risk it all for love or sacrifice that love for your family?

This theme is explored in two things I watched recently; A Suitable Boy and the film, Love + Hate.

A Suitable Boy – the gist:

Series poster with Lata (centre) and her suitors

A Suitable Boy (2020), is a historical BBC drama series based on the popular book by Vikram Seth. It follows young female student, Lata who falls in love with dashing fellow student, Kabir. It’s set amidst the backdrop of 1960s India, so many political events are taking place in the background which fuel lots of the events in the drama. With one of the key events being India’s first general elections, which are slowly approaching.

It starts of with a typical boy meets girl scenario at an Indian university. Lata plays hard to get but Kabir is entranced and determined to win her over. He succeeds soon enough. However, there’s an issue – Lata is Hindu and Kabir is Muslim. The two religions do not get along, yet alone marry, so she knows there’s no way she’ll get her mother’s blessing for the relationship. She battles with this throughout the series, especially as her feelings for Kabir grow. Her friend initially against it does eventually tell her to go for it, but her mother is determined to stop the relationship in its tracks by arranging a marriage for her. To make things juicy, as episodes go on, she attracts – along with Kabir – not one but two additional suitors vying for her heart! Bridget Jones could never. The other two suitors are strong candidates; Amit Chatterji – wealthy and eligible bachelor who is also a published poet, and Haresh Khanna, a British educated shoe maker determined to settle down.

Thoughts

I loved all the characters in this drama – not because they were likable but because they were well fleshed out. It didn’t shy away from exploring themes of religious conflict and violence; something that was ultimately crucial to authentically cover this period of time.

I’m not sure how the book ends but in terms of the suitor Lata chooses in the end, I was quite surprised by her choice. Firstly, you do get the slight sense that Lata would prefer not to be married. She’s a teen who is in love with learning and realistically, probably would have thrown herself into more studies if it wasn’t for the social expectation that she can’t do so – she has to choose marriage instead. There’s also many points in the series where it seems her mum is very much keen to marry her off more than Lata herself wants to get married. Her mum being a widow is an important factor in all of this – it feels, perhaps that she can live vicariously through the new relationships of her children. The engagements and weddings provide her with joy after long grieving her husband and, perhaps, feeling lonely herself.

I had some issues with the series’ ending. The suitor ultimately chosen didn’t seem on brand for the Lata I had grown to know and become fond of throughout the show. It also felt like, she didn’t exactly tie up the loose ends with her other suitors either – she just chose one to be with and went on her merry way. Bit of underwhelming breakup/goodbye considering that she spent 75% of the series talking about them, being with them or thinking about them. But I digress.

Love + Hate: a gist

Next up we have the film, Love + Hate (2005). This is set in Britain and centres on the love story of two teens, Naseema and Adam. They start of working together in a DIY shop with a fairly quick attraction forming. Yet, because this is a film, this attraction can’t be straight forward. In fact, Adam is not a fan of Asians (also known as being a racist), so although attracted to Naseema, he refuses to interact with her. This means he often ignores her questions and even has the audacity to demand that Naseema is fired by the store manager. She’s oblivious to the hostility though, often trying to make conversation and giving him flirty glances here and there.

Like A Suitable Boy, the backdrop is one of great social division – this time along racial lines; with a large anti-Asian and Islamophobic movement active in the area. Adam’s family is bigoted, blaming Asian immigrants for various problems in the area. His mum rants for instance about how her tanning bed business is being threatened by new Asian owned businesses that have opened up the road. He and his brother are very vocal about not wanting to ‘mix’ with the Asian demographic of their city. There’s a scene when they’re at the pub with friends and all jokingly talk about how they would never date an Asian girl. Then one lad in the group disagrees saying actually he would date one – he finds them to be very attractive. He’s met with violence, shouting and is forcefully kicked out the pub and the friendship group. Such is the high penalty for breaking the mold and being a decent human being.

Overall, this was an interesting film but by no means compares to A Suitable Boy. The build up and dating period between Naseema and Adam could have been fleshed out a bit, I think. I wish we saw more banter and conversation between them as they got to know each other. But because it was a ‘forbidden love’ they often had to meet in dodgy locations and for short amounts of time to avoid being caught by people from their respective communities. This didn’t give much opportunity for their chemistry to grow or shine for those of us watching. I’m also not a fan of this implied idea of people being able to ‘love away their racism’ since I don’t believe that’s possible, so it seems ever so slightly irresponsible to encourage that, even if it’s promoted subtly. Adam, who has grown up a bigot and raised with racism embedded values, suddenly falls in love and is suddenly no longer racist? Something tells me that’s not how that works…

Anyway, my overall ratings for both? A Suitable Boy – 8.5/10; strong series and cast just let down slightly by its ending and lack of tying of loose ends. Love + Hate – 7/10 – very gritty and rooted in an idealistic optimism I find it hard to get on board with.

What happens in Rome: The Politics of Friendships on Holiday

Posted on by Han_A

With the new year stretched ahead of us, it’s the time of year where the early seeds of holiday planning begin. Looking at flight sales, applying for work annual leave and juggling the social calendar to clear a period for sun, sea and sunscreen.

However, who do you go with? This is the all consuming question which can sometimes take a while to answer as you hop from one Whatsapp conversation to another, trying to find a friend who is free to come on holiday with you. Some people may be happy solo travellers, so may not have this struggle very much, if not, at all. But a lot of us, like to travel in groups on holiday, so this necessary speed bump to holiday booking, will always occur at some point.

Holidays are infamously known to break up friendships, so companionship for one is not one you can choose wisely. I think there must be something about being with friends for an extended period of time, many miles from home, that ramps up the intensity.

There’s also the case of holiday personalities. I usually put people in one of the two categories, based on my experience and observations whilst holidaying myself:

  • ‘Activities’ people – These are people that are bursting with energy and want to tick everything off their tourist attractions list in as little time as possible.They like to use time efficiently, rising early in order to conquer all the sights and ‘must do’ items on their itinerary.
  • The chilled, laid back people – People that like to go with the flow – with the flow usually meaning being relaxed, typically by on a beach or a hotel poolside. They’re not averse to activities but like to prioritise rest.

I’m typically someone that leans towards the second category, although – once I’ve slept in and scoffed my hotel buffet breakfast, I become more of an ‘activities’ person. It just takes time.

I’ve learnt that a good trip balances both approaches and works so that both types of personality (if present on the trip) are catered to. The conflict with friends likely comes when friends don’t want to compromise on either the approaches above. To avoid that, it’s definitely worth compiling an itinerary and talking through what you want the trip to look like ahead of going. Are we going to have one or two days where we just relax and stay at the hotel/resort, for example? Even if you talk about it briefly, it will become clear which category your friend(s) are in and you can note this ahead of the trip.

Ideal situation? You come back home, having had an amazing trip with great memories and a friendship stronger than ever.

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Any trips planned for this year or destination recommendations? You can view my previous travel diary from my visit to Santorini here.

Photo by Ethan Robertson on Unsplash