Tag: Communication

Bearer of Bad News

Posted on by Han_A

We always put replies off when they involve the slightest bit of negativity or confrontation.

“No”

“I don’t want to go.”

“I can’t make it but thank you.”

For me as an overthinker, I’m usually toying in my mind about the best way to phrase these replies so I don’t come across as brash, harsh or hurt the person they’re directed to in the process. The problem is that thinking process can become so consuming you forget to actually send the reply! Suddenly days have ended and a week and a half has gone by. Or the person nudges you and that feeling of dread arises.

It’s not like that for all of us, of course. Some people don’t really put much thought into it and can easily say ‘no’. I’m not sure what their secret is. Perhaps, there’s a level of detachment to the words they’re saying which they may have mastered over time and which makes it easier to reject or confront people. The medium of tech probably helps make that easier.

But them aside, the average person tends to fret when having to be the bearer of ‘bad’ news. I see this even with the way employers communicate. If they take a while to get back to you about, say a job (or another random query), it’s most likely a polite no. Sometimes they’ll have a template response they’ll send, at others they’ve taken a while to respond because they’re trying to find the right word combo which allows them to break the news to you.

Ideally, we need to start being more confident with relaying such messages and trust that the other person will read it and land on their feet, even despite some initial unhappiness.

I woke up and started my day a few months ago with some amazing clarity. I had a lot of conversations I needed to respond to, so I realised now is the time. My mind was buzzing with the rare desire to tackle those ‘difficult’ conversations that had long overdue answers.

A friend’s invitation and a few opportunities I needed to decline.

A guy who I was talking to on an app who I needed to give ‘we’re not on the same page so goodbye’ talk too.

All these difficult conversations? Done in a matter of minutes. It’s amazing how much you’re capable of once the things that make you procrastinate or fear those tasks disappear. I’ve had the longing to have such moments of clarity again but admittedly haven’t since.

Ah well. It was nice while it lasted, I guess.

Photo by Andre Taissin on Unsplash

Thought of the Day: When you need a friend

Posted on by Han_A

‘I miss the days when you could just go to friends’ houses and be welcomed’

Someone said something along those lines the other days and I immediately thought ‘I don’t’.

Imagine: you’ve just logged off after your last work meeting the day. Tired is not even the word for how you’re feeling. Dinner is ready and you already have a film in mind for the evening. JUST as you’re about to press play on the film – the doorbell rings.

I’m not even sure I was old enough to properly experience those days but imagine the hassle of having to welcome people into your home, unexpected and uninvited, at various hours of the day. Very stressful indeed. Particularly when you think about the energy and effort that often has to go into hosting people. It’s energy and effort I’m sure people these days are still willing to exert – just not without warning.

This sentiment plays into the wider idea that people are increasingly less accessible. And I suspect this is true. It’s ironic too considering we’re more well-connected tech-wise than we’ve ever been before. We’ve all had the scenario with someone close to us where you want to meet up with them and you have to flick through diaries – sometimes months ahead to find a feasible date that works for both of you. People in general have become less accessible and lonelier. Probably not a coincidence I suspect.

Even I often find having a social life, as much as I enjoy it, sometimes can feel like a part-time job. I’m always grateful once I’m around people but sometimes I feel like energy is always in short supply, particularly when social plans are made after work, which has used up all my energy – leaving me shattered and chewed out!

Back to this idea of accessibility though – I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing but it just depends on the level and frequency. For example, you may be inaccessible at certain points in a day or week and that’s fine, if not necessary for your sanity. Also, how do we define accessibility? Typically, how easy it is to get through to people by phone. This becomes a problem if you want to be accessible a lot because you feel you can’t really detach from your phone – always paranoid when you do THAT will be the moment someone has an emergency and needs you. Likely a delusional thought but one I have often, nonetheless.

Many people are actively trying to limit their screen time and I support this. In fact, I should probably jump on that train soon but for now, using do not disturb and making sure calls are scheduled (as opposed to spontaneous!) are my happy medium.

How do you manage your screen time and stay accessible to others? Any tips?

Photo by NoWah Bartscher on Unsplash