Tag: Relationships

Rules of Engagement

Posted on by Han_A

LOVE IS IN THE AIR (again)! 💕💖

Is it me, or does it feel like everyone was getting married in late September this year?

Don’t get me wrong, I love love – I was even at a wedding myself recently!

However, it did get me thinking of what I wanted my proposal to look like.

Recently, when talking to a friend who was herself heading to a surprise proposal for someone else, I said I’m happy for my man (when I have one lol) to propose to me on the sofa. She was quite surprised, and we laughed about it because it was clear we had opposing views on this. And maybe sofa is a bit of an understatement – I still definitely want effort and a carefully crafted affair.

The sentiment of wanting it to be a private and beautiful moment – ideally between just us two – still stands. When I think of the idea of public proposals, something about them just increases my stress levels massively. Although they can be a great chance to splash cash and exercise creativity, they’re too ‘in your face’ for a momentous event that shouldn’t really be anyone else’s business.

I remember there was even a TV show for a brief time on BBC Three, which followed an agency which solely specialised in creating public engagement ideas – think flashmobs and bright costumes. Their existence shows the appetite for lavish proposals is huge! Quite questionable to me, but also an unsurprising sign of the times. I do get the appeal, customers that go to them and do these lavish proposals want to scream about their love from the city rooftops. A private affair, perhaps, is doing a disservice and not reflective of their passion for their partner (or so they believe). It definitely screams confidence – to echo Isla Fisher’s quote from Definitely Maybe.

However, for me, when you have a large crowd of people, there’s a natural need to perform and act/respond in a certain way. Most people will say ‘yes’ through teary eyes, but I often wonder if it sometimes feels like slight coercion. So many eyes are on you, waiting for a positive response. They want to cheer and clap and then go about their daily lives, forgetting about you. Yet it’s you who has to live with whatever answer you say in that moment – particularly if it’s not a genuine one. Buy what else can you really say in that moment? I’m not the best actor in the world; if completely blindsided in such a way, I worry that my face will betray me, and annoyance or confusion will show. And not in a cute way.

There’s also an Instagrammification of proposals that also bothers me. They’re literally moments that have ‘fake privacy’, tailored to look good for online posts now. And you can quickly see it when you search for them on the app. I’ve done so, for the research purposes of this post, and can tell you that a solid 95% of them have a standing love heart arch made of roses, and lots of rose petals on the ground. Is there any other way to do proposals these days? Well, according to social media – no. To me, this tarnishes the moment, distorting it to something that’s more for the spectators as opposed to those there in the moment.

No natural way to end this post but let’s make proposals great again, and keep them for an audience of two, please.

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Do you have any stories of proposals you’ve witnessed, attended or even your own? Would love to hear them! Comment below and let’s chat 😊

Why Your Planner Friend Deserves a Break

Posted on by Han_A

Don’t you just love it when a good plan comes together?

It’s a peaceful night. You’re out with your friends enjoying life, sipping a drink and chatting away in a restaurant and thinking about how you love moments in life like this. The joy. The chat. The food.

You know who also loves a good plan coming together? Your planner friend.

We all have them. The friend in the group chat who drives forward plans, determined to make them a reality beyond everyone just saying ‘it would be great to catch up sometime’. They’ll do polls and send lots of replies, nudging everyone to get involved or send them money for an outing. They’re driven, they’re doers, and yes, they can be impatient, but they’re also efficient and can be trusted to get the task done. They’re close to priceless when it comes to planning important life events like baby showers and hen dos (bacherlettes and surprise birthday parties.) In fact, it’s in those moments their skills and organisation levels shine brightest.

However, as a self-identified planner friend myself, I write this to say, sometimes your planner friends need a break! They can’t always be the ones trusted to be proactive and make things happen. Although they can do it, are good at it and may often even get joy out of it, IT DOESN’T MEAN THEY SHOULD ALWAYS DO IT. What can then happen is that some friendship groups may fall into a dynamic where they over-rely on the planner to make things happen. If that friend can’t make the event, then the plan doesn’t happen, or it does but is shoddily planned and executed.

Enough is enough. Treat your planner friend once in a while (if not, more) and show that they can put their feet up. That their love for their friends isn’t unrequited – effort is taking place on all sides other than theirs. I get it, we’re all busy people and have lots going on in life. But it does sometimes get to a point where you have to evaluate your capabilities and time. What are you prioritising? Surely not everything in your diary is inflexible and important? A quick shuffling around of commitments can sometimes be all it takes to free up your time to do some planning. And that’s if planning even needs that much time, often the steps towards making a social happen can be quick and easy with minimal time needed (once a plan has been decided, that is!)

If the planner friend never catches a break, then there can be a danger of resentment building. And trust me, it’s only when the planner friend takes a step back or decides to ‘retire’ that you realise just how important a role they played in the friendship group.

Moral of the story: Give your planner friend(s) a break. They are valuable, so treat them like it!

*Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

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Any other planner friends in the house? Let me know your experiences below so we can find our tribe.

Thought of the Day: Making Time

Posted on by Han_A

Making time for people is definitely a love language.

I mean, speaking personally for me, when someone – as busy as they are – can make that time to accommodate your company or help you in some way it means the whole world. The time may not be very much but you’re aware it may have been difficult to even provide that little pocket of space, so it’s a short but meaningful time together.

In a world where everyone is busy all the time, making time for people, despite this can speak volumes and says a whole lot without saying much at all. Not just about your character, but how you feel about that other person too.

However, not everyone is this way – you often find people that just are always busy and brush off the plans with you because of it. Next thing you know, days become weeks, become months and you haven’t heard from this person. I mean I get it, we all have things to do, but what that tells me is that I’m very far down the priority list. This can be a bit disheartening, to say the least, but, as a silver lining, lets you know where you stand with certain people.

Obviously, depending on what occupies your time, you may have things in your calendar that can’t necessarily be reshuffled or deprioritised, even if you wanted to – and that’s fine. This particularly can be the case for many people with family responsibilities, senior work roles, or both, for example. The next best thing then is to look ahead – ‘I can’t see you or make this date to meet you, but perhaps we can do this alternative date instead?’ The proactivity behind this means the initial rejection you have to provide to that person ends on a positive note. It says ‘I still am keen to see you and invest in our relationship’ and that’s important. That reassurance is all people want and luckily, it doesn’t take much to provide it – just make time for them or display a willingness to.

How could you make more time for the people in your life?

Photo by Malvestida on Unsplash

FLAWED BUT BEAUTIFUL: A REVIEW OF MALCOLM AND MARIE

Posted on by Han_A

I finally watched Malcolm and Marie on Sunday to see what the fuss is about. The film – a Netflix original featuring the actors Zendaya and John David Washington – went live on the streaming platform in the UK on February 5th. It has entered most people’s radar because of the controversy surrounding the age gap between the two main actors – with Zendaya being 24 and John being 36. However, much of this discussion happened before the film had even become available – many have now said the age gap is hardly noticeable in the film and if anything, is quite common for those who work in the film industry, like the character Malcolm does.

The film starts off with a couple coming back home from the screening of Malcolm’s film – of which he’s ecstatic about since it seems to have gone well. However, Marie doesn’t seem as happy and he wants to know why.

Viewers are constantly on the outside during this film…something epitomised in the film’s shots at the start, where the camera lingers outside and lets us peek into what Malcolm and Malcolm are doing inside the house. That feeling of looking from the outside never really leaves though and this is because, even as we get familiar with both characters – they each struggle to let us (and each other) in fully.

The Characters

Interestingly, it is hard to pinpoint the two characters fully- however, here is what can be gauged quite easily from viewing the film. Malcolm is a college-educated man, and a deep thinker. He definitely has short fuse though, as is seen from the explosive scenes of chaos that pop up frequently within the film. Although aware of the greys that exist in the world, he seems to see the world through a simple lens of black and white. He also seems to have ego the size of America itself – much to Marie’s annoyance.

Marie, we discover had a bad drug habit at a young age and presumably a troublesome childhood. She models although she once had dreams of acting which she eventually abandoned. She has a dry sense of humour but is deeply internally troubled – trying to escape a past which she still thinks haunts her. Most of the time she seems to brood in silence – a personality which noticeably contrasts Malcolm’s, a man who seems to be very expressive, a wearer of his heart on his sleeve.

What we witness during the film is what can only be a build-up of troubles that have accumulated during the discourse of Malcolm and Marie’s relationship. Although Malcolm mentions them being together at 70, you do genuinely wonder – will they ever make that stage? Behind every layer of love you sense between the two partners, there also seems to be underlying resentment – and vice versa. The entanglement between the two feelings leaves us uncertain of the direction of the relationship right until the last few minutes of the film.

Keeping it Real

Many tweets I scrolled through applauded Malcolm & Marie for its nuanced and realistic portrayal of a relationship. I can see why; the film focuses entirely on the nitty-gritty parts of a romantic relationship – the type most films typically only spend 10-20 minutes on. The insecurities that lurk in your mind. The ‘What-ifs’ that make you doubt your choice of partner. The feeling of being seen but not properly heard by your partner. These are all aspects touched on that are likely very common in romantic relationships and grow the longer you’re in them. The film provides a subtle lesson in the importance of communication and the danger of complacency in any relationship.

This review wouldn’t be doing the film justice if I didn’t mention its beautiful cinematography which I have to applaud. Its 60s-esque black and white appearance gives it a simple and refreshing feel. This simplicity it creates is compounded by the use of only two characters and one setting for the entire film.

Final Thoughts

Overall, the film has many strengths going for it; strong cinematography, great songs and acting, for starters. Zendaya’s knife scene and monologue towards the end from her bed are definitely stand-out scenes, too. However, the film felt slightly dragged out to me and towards the middle, boredom was niggling at my brain. Some films with this format – limited characters and scenes – do work (I recommend American Son on Netflix). However, the ‘will they/ won’t they stay together?’ was not enough to keep me entertained throughout. There needs to be some sort of movement in the plot line towards the end and the characters need to be fleshed out enough to get us to care for them. Neither seems to be the case with Malcolm and Marie unfortunately.

Yet, with Oscar seasoning soon arriving, will the film be included in any award nominations? Well, we’ll have to wait and find out…