Tag: thoughts

Rules of Engagement

Posted on by Han_A

LOVE IS IN THE AIR (again)! 💕💖

Is it me, or does it feel like everyone was getting married in late September this year?

Don’t get me wrong, I love love – I was even at a wedding myself recently!

However, it did get me thinking of what I wanted my proposal to look like.

Recently, when talking to a friend who was herself heading to a surprise proposal for someone else, I said I’m happy for my man (when I have one lol) to propose to me on the sofa. She was quite surprised, and we laughed about it because it was clear we had opposing views on this. And maybe sofa is a bit of an understatement – I still definitely want effort and a carefully crafted affair.

The sentiment of wanting it to be a private and beautiful moment – ideally between just us two – still stands. When I think of the idea of public proposals, something about them just increases my stress levels massively. Although they can be a great chance to splash cash and exercise creativity, they’re too ‘in your face’ for a momentous event that shouldn’t really be anyone else’s business.

I remember there was even a TV show for a brief time on BBC Three, which followed an agency which solely specialised in creating public engagement ideas – think flashmobs and bright costumes. Their existence shows the appetite for lavish proposals is huge! Quite questionable to me, but also an unsurprising sign of the times. I do get the appeal, customers that go to them and do these lavish proposals want to scream about their love from the city rooftops. A private affair, perhaps, is doing a disservice and not reflective of their passion for their partner (or so they believe). It definitely screams confidence – to echo Isla Fisher’s quote from Definitely Maybe.

However, for me, when you have a large crowd of people, there’s a natural need to perform and act/respond in a certain way. Most people will say ‘yes’ through teary eyes, but I often wonder if it sometimes feels like slight coercion. So many eyes are on you, waiting for a positive response. They want to cheer and clap and then go about their daily lives, forgetting about you. Yet it’s you who has to live with whatever answer you say in that moment – particularly if it’s not a genuine one. Buy what else can you really say in that moment? I’m not the best actor in the world; if completely blindsided in such a way, I worry that my face will betray me, and annoyance or confusion will show. And not in a cute way.

There’s also an Instagrammification of proposals that also bothers me. They’re literally moments that have ‘fake privacy’, tailored to look good for online posts now. And you can quickly see it when you search for them on the app. I’ve done so, for the research purposes of this post, and can tell you that a solid 95% of them have a standing love heart arch made of roses, and lots of rose petals on the ground. Is there any other way to do proposals these days? Well, according to social media – no. To me, this tarnishes the moment, distorting it to something that’s more for the spectators as opposed to those there in the moment.

No natural way to end this post but let’s make proposals great again, and keep them for an audience of two, please.

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Do you have any stories of proposals you’ve witnessed, attended or even your own? Would love to hear them! Comment below and let’s chat 😊

Last of the Summer Days

Posted on by Han_A

Summer is gone.

So yes, the title of this post isn’t entirely correct (but is any headline these days?).

We’re in that weird period where summer has ended, but the sun is trying to hold on to its last days of glory.

I’ve done my mourning, but what I’m probably not mentally ready for is the shorter days, particularly when you leave the office and it’s already dark or the sun is starting to set. 😭

What this means in the UK is that the weather is fairly unstable and predictable. There are lots of clouds and ghastly winds on most days right now. We even had hailstones a few weeks ago, for goodness sake.

Each day, I look at the weather forecast and try to figure out if it’s a winter coat or denim coat day. The former is the winner of the majority of those votes on most days, and I suspect I’ll be upgrading to full-time winter coat wearing in a matter of days, if not weeks.

I enjoyed the summer, but Autumn sun is so wholesome – there’s something about it that can’t really be captured or described in a sentence. However, we seem to have missed that lovely Autumn sun period, so I’m a bit sad, I can’t lie. Then again, October awaits, so I may be proven wrong. Who knows.

I’m cautiously optimistic.

Thought of the Day: Just another capitalist mule

Posted on by Han_A

Don’t you feel the fatigue of always been targeted my adverts?

Buy this! Try that! 30 Day Free Trial! Two for the Price of one!

There’s so many of them and often I’m glazed over, in an indifferent state. But equally, there are times when I’m just trying to simply gather my thoughts and then I look over, perhaps whilst standing at the train station, and BAM I spot an advert. Intrusive, bold and pushy. Selling me something shiny and trying to convince me I can’t live without it. It’s like we can’t be left alone for a split second.

I open my emails, filled with ads and newsletters aggressively trying to sell something you likely don’t need or can’t afford. Same with TV. Same now with many streaming sites, as they embrace advertising in order to offer cheaper tiers of membership. And don’t get me started on podcasts – even on Spotify Premium they’re now rife. There’s literally no refuge. Unless you fork out the money that is, and who has the time for that.

Often, the ads are irrelevant and not of interest. And even if it is I’m often sceptical thinking that the product or offer being pushed out has some small print designed to catch me out. It’s why I barely ever sign up for free trials because I fear suddenly being caught in a web, trying to escape a service I don’t even like, use or intend to use long-term (think meal prep kits, exercise classes and streaming subscriptions). As you’ll know, based on experiences with customer services, if I can avoid having to fight customer services on the phone, then I will.

Instagram is where I can easily fall prey, so I have to be extra vigilant. Advertisements gently slip onto your timeline in the form of glossy, carefully manufactured content from influencers. Sometimes they’re so good you don’t even realise they’re an ad, especially if you’re not in the habit of properly reading post captions. Even the other day I saw an influencer advertising a spa getaway somewhere in the UK. I’m a sucker for a weekend getaway and a hot tub (a killer combo, if you ask me) so I perked up. I instantly went to her page and started looking through the hotel page. I closed it immediately after seeing the price per night because it was ridiculously expensive. Very annoying but I’m sure my bank account was thankful for my moment of wisdom.

How do you feel about adverts? Have you fallen for any against your better judgment that you can look back on at laugh at now?

*Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

Just You & Me: Why Quality Time Matters

Posted on by Han_A

There’s something about quality time with the right person that can dramatically uplift you.

I don’t know, perhaps it’s because I’m introverted and its one of my top official love languages. But upon talking to many other people about this topic, I think I’m not alone in thinking this. There’s something invaluable and incredibly meaningful about spending time with someone.

And yes, whilst group catch ups definitely have their place and can come under the umbrella of ‘quality time’, I would argue that ideal quality time is always (ideally) in a 1-2-1 setting.

The problem with this for most of us? Time. Quality time, as rewarding as it may be, is quite time intensive. This is why many people under utilise it. It may be that they’re hesitant to invest the time or eventually end up prioritising other things that take up less time. We have to fight with friends for time in their calendar, and many friends have to do the same with us

So, because most of us are time poor, some of us have developed the unhealthy habit of applying a ‘two birds one stone’ approach to quality time scheduled with those close to us. What does this mean? Well, if you’re meeting up with one friend, let’s call her Anna, you decide instead of making it a one to one, you’ll chuck in another friend, lets call her Cathy. The result is a singular meet up with both Anna and Cathy.

From your perspective it’s great – you’re busy and have been meaning to catch up with each of them for a while. Now, you get to do this in one clean swoop over coffee. Everyone leaves a winner, right? Wrong.

I absolutely hate this approach and, as tempting as it may be, always have to check myself to see if that mentality may be creeping into my social life planning. Because yes, even if Cathy and Anna know each other and you all end up having a great time, because there’s three of you there, you may still leave feeling like you didn’t actually get to properly catch up. Sometimes in group dynamics vulnerability becomes limited because it’s easier for it to feel ill placed. Also, what if Cathy wanted to tell you very personal news but now can’t because Anna is there? Or what if you start catching up and it quickly becomes clear that Anna has gone through a LOT in the last few weeks, so she unknowingly starts dominating the conversation. Next thing you know, all three of you are leaving for home and no one has a clue what’s up in Cathy’s life because she barely got to talk.

“Sometimes in group dynamics vulnerability becomes limited because it’s easier for it to feel ill placed.”

And what about situations where Anna and Cathy don’t know each other? I’ve been in these situations before. What tends to happen is that, as the Anna or Cathy in the situation, I think that I’m catching up with a friend alone. But when I arrive at our meeting spot, they’re with another friend, so what you thought would be a much needed catch up one on one ends up being an awkward dinner between three (sometimes more) people. And you know what they say about three people.

Moral of this story – don’t underestimate the power or quality time in a one-to-one format. For very tight friendship groups, i.e. ones with 3-6 people, it can feel a bit like a betrayal to not include everyone at every outing you arrange. Just know though that that is never going to be possible anyway. Neither is it conducive for each individual member of the group. One to one catch ups are vital to the sustaining of friendships and to actually getting to know people on a deeper level outside of a group setting. It’s easier for people to feel seen, appreciated and listened to (as long as you’re present!) and that feeling is priceless.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

The Inconvenient Truth About Kindness

Posted on by Han_A

Kindness requires inconvenience.

Someone from my church mentioned this idea once (I think she was quoting a book) and it’s stuck with me since because it’s simple but very true.

Acts of kindness can often require us to step out of our bubbles of comfort. It’s therefore why the kind option in many situations can be the most unattractive to people. I’ll give the basic example of seating on bus, often there is an encouraged rule to get up for certain people who may need seated support more than you do. For example, those with disabilities, pregnant women and the elderly (who often have mobility issues that makes it hard to stand.) Despite this being common knowledge -it’s on bold stickers throughout most buses and tubes in London – no one actively makes an effort to stand and offer their chair when the time comes. They’re probably thinking ‘hmmm, if I give them my seat then I’ll have to stand on the bus for six stops and it’s already cramped as it is.’ In other words, the sacrifice causes discomfort they can anticipate coming, so to prevent that from being experienced they bypass the opportunity to be kind altogether. It’s quite sad to think about, especially when many actions like this are so easily done.

We should be actively looking for opportunities to help one another. That means being mindful of the environment around you – not just having headphones plugged in and oblivious to the world. I remember on a cold winter night last year running as fast as I could for a bus and missing it even though I was a few metres away. I was very annoyed and worried after that because the next bus wasn’t coming for a very long time. When I finally reached the bus stop I saw several people sitting down just completely unaware of my struggle, even though they may have seen me try to chase the bus. Imagine the difference to my night one of them may have made if they had done the simple gesture of holding the bus whilst I approached the bus stop? I don’t think it even occurred to one of them to do that but that’s what I mean by being active in looking for opportunities to help others. Sometimes you have to be creative, use initiative or go slightly beyond your realm of comfort.

If you’re so engrossed in looking at your nails or watching a YouTube clip, you may not notice that the person next to you is in need of help in some way. That’s because, nine times out of 10, people will not vocalise their need for help – body language and observation of unfolding events are needed to realise you may be needed in the moment. Even if you can’t help in that moment simply showing concern and asking ‘are you okay?’ or ‘are you in need of help?’ can be reassuring to someone. Especially in cities where selfishness breeds hostility, those words can be a pleasant breath of fresh air.

With this week marking the start of the new year – if you’re resolution list is looking empty, who not start simple and try to help more people this year?

*Photo by Vie Studio

Thought of the day: Observer of change, woman of growth

Posted on by Han_A

Every now and then I dip in and out of Facebook which I’ve had since I was a teenager. It’s weird because many things that happen remind me of how much things – particularly the people I grew up with – have changed.

I find myself, for example, unliking a lot of pages that I previously loved/eagerly followed when younger or randomly wondering who some of the people I’m ‘friends’ with are. Back when I was more active on the platform, I had a weird obsession with getting to 1,000 friends – it literally means nothing, just a random goal that I was determined to meet. I did reach it over time but, as with many milestones you create in your mind, nothing happened – no pot of gold dropped into my lap or whatnot (sadly).

I increasingly realise with each scroll that growth is inevitable and is actually more evident than I like to think it is. My community of friends and what I’m into are evolving. I’ve probably not realised it since I often feel like more of an observer of change on the platform – everyone is having babies, getting married, or proposed to – with lots of cute pictures to announce such, and I’m just there…

But as I unliked a page recently and viewed one of those ‘memories’ from Facebook which remind you of what you posted on a specific day several years ago, I realised perhaps I’ve grown more than I thought I have.

Perhaps, the world isn’t just passing me by – a runaway train I missed the chance to jump on.

Perhaps the transformation I’ve always seen as something I could only glimpse from a distance is closer than I realise.

There’s comfort in that and enjoyment in hoping that change continues on a positive trajectory as I seek to discover what on Earth it means to be ‘me’.

Have you had a moment of reflection recently on how much or in what ways exactly you’ve grown? Feel free to comment and share 🙂

Photo by Tobias Dziuba

Series review: Doona!

Posted on by Han_A

One of my most recent K drama watches is the Netflix show, Doona!

Shows that have actors you know and like in them are usually the easiest to sell. In your mind you know the greatness they’re capable of so you consume their new content ready to (hopefully) be blown away again.

This drama has two Korean leads  – one I’m familiar with, Bae Suzy (a great actress who I last watched in the fab K-dramas, Whilst You Were Sleeping and StartUps) and Yang Se-jong.

What is it about?

Main couple: Doo-na and Won-jun

Doona! If I was forced to categorise it falls more into the romance space. I wouldn’t call it a romcom per se, since the main characters are quite broody and intense. However, there is some comedic relief in the form of Won-Jun’s childhood nemesis, Choi I-ra, and his university flatmates.

The series is nine episodes long, which is an appealing number to me, I can’t complain too much about that. I think, if written well, a lot can be covered in that space of time given.

The main characters are Won-jun – a hardworking university student and Doo-na, a young former idol (girl band member) who left that world for mysterious reasons explored as the drama develops. Both of these characters fall in love despite coming from different backgrounds and contrasting quite heavily personality-wise. I’m not sure but I think there’s also a slight age gap between these two characters, with the Doo-na being older.

My thoughts

This is one of those shows that started off quite slow and slow burner content, whether it be books, shows, etc., always leaves me in a bit of a dilemma – do I persevere or give up? Sometimes sticking with it can pay off, but other times you may just be left feeling cheated of your time. Luckily for this show, I did eventually get quite invested in the characters and found it rewarding to witness some slight character development in the main and supporting cast.

With my TV show hat on, Doo-na as a character seemed like she would become what is fondly known as a ‘Manic Pixie fairy’ – a woman that comes into a male protagonist’s life with no story of their own but with the sole purpose of helping the male lead ‘discover themselves’. However, (and luckily) she was written more layered than that, so I was grateful. I won’t lie though and say she was quite annoying and clearly very bored in the first few episodes.

Interestingly, though, she is actually part of a new host of cliché defying characters, in the sense that she starts pursuing Won-jun first. Although it’s not initially reciprocated interest and we’re not entirely sure if she’s just teasing him/leading him on.

My main frustrations:

  • Why Doo-na left the girl group she was a part of felt very unclear. We’re forced as viewers to piece together mysterious flashbacks and vague comments she makes about her past to get an answer. And to me, that wasn’t enough so I got a bit annoyed. She repeatedly kept saying she suddenly ‘couldn’t sing’ anymore, which didn’t make much sense. Was this due to a physical condition? A mental block or lack of will? Who knows. I personally think that there was potential and a missed opportunity to delve deeper here.
  • In a similar vein, it didn’t feel entirely clear to me what the nature of the relationship was between Doo-na and her manager. It’s implied that it was possibly more than professional but it could have rather been unrequited feelings from Doo-na’s end (which is hinted at some point.)
  • Apart from Won-Jun working hard (he takes on 101 jobs whilst studying for his degree, bless him), I don’t think his character was strongly written. I think when he was asked by his love interest, Doo-na what his ambitions are he reply was something along the lines of, he longs to live normally. We do get mention of his family, and see maybe two scenes where he’s caring for his sick sister but no dialogue is featured, which is a shame since this could have been a defining character development moment.

Although I’m tempted to add the ending to that list of frustrations I won’t. I think it can be commendable when writers steer away from simply giving fans what they want and instead stay true to the storyline. The ending was indeed bittersweet but the most realistic ending for those characters and their love story.

Overall, I would give this drama a solid 7.5/10. It’s shot beautifully and every character has a degree of likability which is what, like me, will likely fuel your investment in the drama too, if you decide to watch it.

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In the mood for some other K drama reviews? Check out some of my past ones here and here.

Image source: https://www.marieclaire.com/culture/tv-shows/the-cast-of-doona-your-guide/

Looking Back at Barbie mania

Posted on by Han_A

That period of time just before and during the launch of the Barbie film feels quite surreal, upon reflection, doesn’t it? There were probably three groups of people – those who were swept up and all invested in the marketing mania, those who knew about it but didn’t care/understand the hype, and those completely oblivious.

For those of us in the marketing/comms industry, the Barbie PR and marketing team were the envy of the industry – because what marketing pro doesn’t dream of having what is essentially an unlimited budget to play with? Mattel reportedly spent 150 million dollars on marketing for the film, which would make sense when you saw some of the marketing stunts – from real-life Barbie dollhouse, limited edition Barbie Xbox to partnerships with food brand, Propercorn and Lush (think pink bath bombs.) It proved to be a worthy investment when Box office figures rolled in and Barbie had topped the list…by far. In fact, it was the first female-directed film to reach the billion mark. A very impressive feat to add to Greta Gerwig’s ever-growing CV.

One podcast commentator I listened to described the mania as happening because the climate right now made many desperate to be part of something light and fun. It was a welcomed distraction for many, a cultural moment even – some might say.

I personally wasn’t entirely swept up in the mania simply because I wouldn’t define Barbie as playing a significant role in my life growing up – yes, I did play with the dolls and watch the films but I wouldn’t say it played a large part in discovering my identity or defining my femininity. However, that was the case for many, so this deep-rooted sentiment combined with tailored and lavish marketing seemed to make a winning combo. I went simply to see what the fuss was about but I personally wasn’t blown away by the film. I guess I could see though what thought went into it so could at least appreciate that side of things. It was a film that had a lot of expectations on its shoulders, trying to appeal to a fairly large audience (age range wise) so it wasn’t going to be perfect or please everyone.

From the sounds of The Journal’s (WSJ’s podcast) on the movie mania (a recommended listen), which features talks with Mattel’s head honchos, this film will likely be the first of many in the Mattel universe  – so be prepared!

*Photo by Sandra Gabriel on Unsplash

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What were your thoughts on the Barbie film and the mania around it? Fan? Superfan? Or indifferent? Share your thoughts and let’s talk 😊

Thought of the Day: Creativity is dead

Posted on by Han_A

When I’m working my way through a period of writer’s block sometimes, I become disillusioned with creativity. Have we reached the peak of it? Is there any such thing as a new idea? Is there anything new I have to say that hasn’t been said a million times before?

It probably doesn’t help when I listen to new music and start to feel that all songs sound the same. Just sampling and remixing old songs to a new funky beat. You hear the beginning and think ‘oh, it’s that song‘ and then it’s not, it’s in fact a different song completely. Sure, it does create something new but to some extent, it feels like its originality is tainted in a way. Some do say, when it comes to music there’s only so many chords so it’s inevitable things will start to sound the same over time.

Similarly, the overuse of cliches in TV and film does make me wonder if the era of original characters and plot lines has disappeared. Are we forever going to have romcoms that recycle the same ‘enemies to lovers’ plot line? Or the plot line where they pretend to be a couple and end up eventually falling in love? How much of the same recycled ideas can we keep consuming without fatigue?

Anyway, it doesn’t look completely hopeless and every time I consume something new and original that I like, I have hope. Whether, that’s a new song, book, film or show. My current watch on Netflix, They Cloned Tyrone – is a very wacky, sci-fi watch that is unlike anything I’ve seen before and such originality has proven refreshing if anything.

What I’ve realised is that not every story has been told, and life, in all its richness, provides us with a wealth of ideas to spin into creative, artistic gold. In particular, there are so many stories from marginalised communities and overshadowed periods of history that have not yet gotten the exposure they deserve. We’re only just starting to see these stories and art receive the limelight they deserve, so despite my doom-and-gloom rant at the start, it is indeed also an exciting time to be consuming art.

On a related note, there are so many independent artists out there with talent and unique ideas that aren’t getting the shine they deserve. It’s unfortunately creativity in the mainstream that tends to recycle old ideas and be formulaic. The main reason for that? Money. I recall reading a tweet where someone said even though cliches are bad, we keep using them because they work. They still garner interest and generate money for Hollywood, production companies, etc. It’s why it’s important for us to support independent talent and content – whether it’s short films or web series you find on YouTube or artists you find on Instagram.

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Photo by AbsolutVision on Unsplash

True Crime Trauma

Posted on by Han_A

I was inspired to write this after recently listening to one of my favourite podcasts, The Friend Zone (much recommended). One of the podcast hosts, Francesca, a True Crime fan like myself, described why she has had to dial but on her consumption of true crime content.

There are many noticeable podcasts in this area that are doing well and that I admittedly enjoy listening to weekly. To name a few, this includes; Crime Junkie, Generation Why and RedHanded.

However, when you think about what you’re actually consuming and the traumatic nature of it – kidnappings, murder, rape, assault, etc, it’s no wonder why it may start to negatively affect the mind. Sure, we hear about such things on the news, but we do so typically in a spaced-out fashion and in moderation. If you’re bingeing true crime content, that could be several hours of shut content being absorbed by the brain.

The likelihood is though, the incidents you hear about on podcasts (fraud aside) are statistically rare or happened over long periods of time. In other words, you probably need to be less worried about it than you think. For example, l listened to a podcast about a baby-swapping case the other day. If I was a pregnant woman doing so, I might suddenly start to think ‘Oh goodness’ and start to enter a state of worry. Then, because of that, I may delve into more true crime content on baby kidnappings to do ‘research’ which just exacerbates the worry, when in actual fact, statistically speaking this isn’t something to be very worried about.

Francesca talked about how the podcasts had started to affect her dreams and make her feel anxious. She, like myself, eventually resolved to stop listening to such podcasts at night for that reason. I think especially for female true crime fans, we already live in a world that is dangerous for us, so listening to such horrors can indeed create a heightened sense of fear. It may manifest itself in different ways, for example, when I would be walking home at night, I would get very paranoid and a bit scared if someone was walking behind me, even if doing so innocently. I can imagine, especially for people that live alone, you may suddenly start to feel your house isn’t secure enough, or if you hear a noise a night your heartbeat may go into overdrive. In general, it can make you less trusting in people too because, very bluntly put, everyone has the potential to be someone who wrongs you or violates that trust.

‘So why put yourself through that?’, you ask. Sure, it’s true there are plenty of more ‘positive’ podcasts around. But, I do think you learn a lot from true crime podcasts – a lot of cases from the past, probably not widely known about by many, are the reason we have certain laws in place today – e.g. Amber alerts. If you’re like me, although you can easily become disillusioned with the goodness of humanity when hearing the various ways people can be evil, you can instead choose to adopt the oppositive mindset. And that is to be more appreciative of the good people do, when it’s done, knowing they could have chosen to do worse but didn’t.

*Photo by David von Diemar on Unsplash