Tag: Words

Thought of the Day: Love out loud

Posted on by Han_A

After the Good Friday church service a few months ago, I was chatting with some people from the church after having a meal together. A couple from church had kindly hosted us in their home and served a lovely English roast. The meal was finished so we were in that period where everyone was having chatter while letting the food in their stomach gracefully settle. In the middle of the conversation, one of the children of the adults at the table there burst into the room with an almost pained look on his face, filled with a sense of urgency. ‘DAD, DAD, DAD’

‘What is it, buddy?’ his dad responded.

‘I just wanted to say that I love you!’

It’s a heartwarming moment I still think about. At the time I just laughed since we all panicked originally at the child’s urgency, so the ‘I love you’ felt very cute (if not, a tad unexpected), but also anticlimactic.

It got me thinking though – are we loving the people around us in all the ways and languages we can?

There’s so much power in the verbal declaration of love. It’s one of the reasons weddings are so significant in the journey of a relationship and why they hold so much meaning. Don’t get me wrong, the words alone only hold true when actions correlate but just hearing those words can be soothing and settle the heart. Never assume people know, even those closest to you – they can sometimes, ironically, be the people who doubt you love them the most. And I’m of the opinion there should never be a day your love is doubted by those you believe deserve it most.

___________

How do you best make the people around you feel loved?

Photo by Oleg Laptev on Unsplash

Thought of the Day: Off the chest

Posted on by Han_A

‘Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do

when they settle ‘neath your skin.

Stuck on the inside with no sunlight

sometimes the shadow wins’

The words above are from the song Brave by American singer, Sara Bareilles (one of my faves). In the chorus, she sings…’say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out...’ There’s something very frustrating about being with someone and not being able to say the words that are heavy on your heart and mind. Despite their weight and your mental determination to say them, they just don’t seem to come out on demand – almost like your momentarily shortcircuiting.  Every time you miss an opportunity to speak your mind it’s almost like the words haunt you. Dancing in your peripheral vision, so close at the tip of your tongue but yet so far.

Words can be two-edged swords, so for me when I find myself in these situations the fear which causes me to hold back is due to the unpredictability of the consequences. The recipient(s) may take it well, or may not at all. Your message may be received and understood clear as day…or not at all. It does mostly depend on the person you want to confide in but sometimes even the closest of people may not handle confessions well, everyone’s human so everyone’s unpredictable. But it also makes such confessions admittedly more stressful!

Sometimes you have to close your eyes and say it. Hope that they’ll open their ears and hold your words with willing hands. That they’ll ask questions but be sympathetic and understand. Delivery is important of course but I would say words said with love and out in the open are sometimes better than no words said at all. Words left on the back shelf, wrapped in the dust of regret. And who wants that?

Do any moments come to mind where you’re grateful you said something instead of being silent?

*Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

Thought of the Day: The hidden scars of words

Posted on by Han_A

We probably don’t think enough about how our words interact with our memory and consequently shape our lives. Someone can say something and even if it’s something said mindlessly or off the cuff, someone around them may remember it for a lifetime. It’s quite scary to think about really, and makes you realise communication in any form comes with a heavier sense of responsibility than we think.

To provide a brief example, I remember watching an episode of The Simpsons where Marge takes her daughter Lisa on a shopping trip to try some clothes on. When Lisa comes out the of changing room in an outfit, Marge in passing makes a comment about her body which was clearly said with no malice, but throughout the rest of the episode, we see it starts to trigger insecurities about her body that Lisa never had before. There was a memorable scene where they show what it looks like inside Lisa’s mind. It’s a land of fields and clear blue skies and fairies. But when her mum makes that comment the word becomes a stone statue in the middle of that land, taking up room and spoiling the landscape, which was once peaceful.

However, towards the end of the episode, we see that even most of the adults in Springfield (the town where The Simpsons live) have been scarred in the past by something said to them – with that one word now following them around, a stone statue in their own minds. Marge in particular had been scarred by something her own mum said to her so the incident with Lisa was almost like a subtle cycle which she had continued, unintentionally, of course.

The ability to easily detach ourselves from our words is probably how some bullies sleep well at night. They just speak as they wish, unaware of the harm they do with their harsh words on a regular basis to those around them. Whatever end we are on when it comes to harsh words – whether we say them or receive them, we need to be better at reflecting on things said and speaking up. Whether it’s saying ‘sorry’ or ‘the way you said that made me feel comfortable/hurt me/was disrespectful’ we need to communicate to lessen potential damage which could trickle into the future. I mean, you can’t get a refund on words or turn back time – but that’s the next best thing!