‘I miss the days when you could just go to friends’ houses and be welcomed’
Someone said something along those lines the other days and I immediately thought ‘I don’t’.
Imagine: you’ve just logged off after your last work meeting the day. Tired is not even the word for how you’re feeling. Dinner is ready and you already have a film in mind for the evening. JUST as you’re about to press play on the film – the doorbell rings.
I’m not even sure I was old enough to properly experience those days but imagine the hassle of having to welcome people into your home, unexpected and uninvited, at various hours of the day. Very stressful indeed. Particularly when you think about the energy and effort that often has to go into hosting people. It’s energy and effort I’m sure people these days are still willing to exert – just not without warning.
This sentiment plays into the wider idea that people are increasingly less accessible. And I suspect this is true. It’s ironic too considering we’re more well-connected tech-wise than we’ve ever been before. We’ve all had the scenario with someone close to us where you want to meet up with them and you have to flick through diaries – sometimes months ahead to find a feasible date that works for both of you. People in general have become less accessible and lonelier. Probably not a coincidence I suspect.
Even I often find having a social life, as much as I enjoy it, sometimes can feel like a part-time job. I’m always grateful once I’m around people but sometimes I feel like energy is always in short supply, particularly when social plans are made after work, which has used up all my energy – leaving me shattered and chewed out!
Back to this idea of accessibility though – I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing but it just depends on the level and frequency. For example, you may be inaccessible at certain points in a day or week and that’s fine, if not necessary for your sanity. Also, how do we define accessibility? Typically, how easy it is to get through to people by phone. This becomes a problem if you want to be accessible a lot because you feel you can’t really detach from your phone – always paranoid when you do THAT will be the moment someone has an emergency and needs you. Likely a delusional thought but one I have often, nonetheless.
Many people are actively trying to limit their screen time and I support this. In fact, I should probably jump on that train soon but for now, using do not disturb and making sure calls are scheduled (as opposed to spontaneous!) are my happy medium.
How do you manage your screen time and stay accessible to others? Any tips?
Photo by NoWah Bartscher on Unsplash
TheArtofChatter 
My parents came from a culture where dropping in unannounced for a visit was considered not only acceptable, but as normal as, say, stopping to pick up groceries on your way home from work. I was always a bit put off by their friends’ habit of ringing the doorbell and strolling in at dinnertime, more so since we often had to put off dinner if we didn’t have enough food to share with guests. I would have thought my loudly growling stomach would tell the adults that it was time to eat, not chat over tea, but it was considered rude to rush your guests out the door, no matter what the time was.
Interestingly, my aunt, who worked long hours as a housekeeper/aide to a wealthy widow and often didn’t get home until after 8 p.m., put a stop to that tradition, at least in our family. If we dared showed up unannounced on one of her rare days off, she would tell my father, her little brother, “I’m tired, if you brought me something, just leave it on the kitchen table on your way out, otherwise, call next time.” My parents would sputter and rant on the drive home about how my aunt had “absolutely no manners,” but eventually, it stuck: my father would grudgingly call his sister, and as a reward, we were greeted with a large dinner and a home-baked dessert. I think since my aunt was one of the few women in my family who worked full time, she knew she had to set up boundaries early on or she would never get any rest. I didn’t always get along with her as she was blunt-spoken and cranky–she never failed to point out how badly she thought I was dressed or “you need to do something about that hair!” But I realize, these 15 years since she died at age 100, she was very smart. She worked hard to earn her days off, so there was no way she was going to allow her relatives to ruin it by dropping in and wasting her afternoon. I’m not as frank as she was, but I do make it a point not to answer the phone or the door when I’m trying to recover after a long day.
Love this, sounds like your aunt indeed had a wise head on her shoulders!