Author: Han_A

Thought of the day: ‘It could be worse’

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When did saying ‘It could be worse’ become a comforting thing?

I remember hearing the words from someone a few months ago when I was having a low period and for some reason, it just sparked annoyance in me.

I mean, yes it well could be. But does that make my pain any less valid? No.

Because if you truly play that game then any situation you’re in could always be worse. Let’s say your cat of ten years just went missing and someone says those words to you when you’re confiding in them about your unhappiness stemming from the situation. Of course, it could be worse. You could have tripped on your way home, bloodied your nose and sprained your ankle. And THEN after hopping home with a tissue to your nose, you enter the house to find out a) your cat is nowhere to be seen and b) there’s somehow been a leak in the kitchen and now a quarter of the house is wet. So, are you telling me that because all of that didn’t happen, instead only my cat went missing, that I shouldn’t feel sad or as down? Sounds a bit like dodgy reasoning, doesn’t it?

People who say it do of course do so with the sincerest of intentions, so obviously you never want to bark at them that that’s not exactly what you want to hear right now, even if you’re thinking exactly that. However, just so we all take steps to prevent ourselves from being that person, it’s worth thinking about what that person needs to hear in that moment and that line, is most likely not it.

I do understand the sentiment behind it – it’s meant to evoke gratitude. ‘Thank God that burglar only stole this from my house instead of x and y (too).’ And while that gratitude can be evoked, sometimes it’s not and the person can come across as a bit tone deaf. Sometimes you instead feel this frustrating guilt at your sadness like you can’t properly acknowledge it’s there, let alone dwell on it, because in the grand scheme of things the event was quite trivial (or so you’re made to feel.)

That’s not the greatest feeling to be feeling when you’re down or want to comfort others. The moral of the story is that it’s okay to just be there for someone, and listen.

*Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Looking Back at Barbie mania

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That period of time just before and during the launch of the Barbie film feels quite surreal, upon reflection, doesn’t it? There were probably three groups of people – those who were swept up and all invested in the marketing mania, those who knew about it but didn’t care/understand the hype, and those completely oblivious.

For those of us in the marketing/comms industry, the Barbie PR and marketing team were the envy of the industry – because what marketing pro doesn’t dream of having what is essentially an unlimited budget to play with? Mattel reportedly spent 150 million dollars on marketing for the film, which would make sense when you saw some of the marketing stunts – from real-life Barbie dollhouse, limited edition Barbie Xbox to partnerships with food brand, Propercorn and Lush (think pink bath bombs.) It proved to be a worthy investment when Box office figures rolled in and Barbie had topped the list…by far. In fact, it was the first female-directed film to reach the billion mark. A very impressive feat to add to Greta Gerwig’s ever-growing CV.

One podcast commentator I listened to described the mania as happening because the climate right now made many desperate to be part of something light and fun. It was a welcomed distraction for many, a cultural moment even – some might say.

I personally wasn’t entirely swept up in the mania simply because I wouldn’t define Barbie as playing a significant role in my life growing up – yes, I did play with the dolls and watch the films but I wouldn’t say it played a large part in discovering my identity or defining my femininity. However, that was the case for many, so this deep-rooted sentiment combined with tailored and lavish marketing seemed to make a winning combo. I went simply to see what the fuss was about but I personally wasn’t blown away by the film. I guess I could see though what thought went into it so could at least appreciate that side of things. It was a film that had a lot of expectations on its shoulders, trying to appeal to a fairly large audience (age range wise) so it wasn’t going to be perfect or please everyone.

From the sounds of The Journal’s (WSJ’s podcast) on the movie mania (a recommended listen), which features talks with Mattel’s head honchos, this film will likely be the first of many in the Mattel universe  – so be prepared!

*Photo by Sandra Gabriel on Unsplash

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What were your thoughts on the Barbie film and the mania around it? Fan? Superfan? Or indifferent? Share your thoughts and let’s talk 😊

Thought of the Day: Where the lost things are

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There’s something that really stresses me out about losing things. You flip covers and look through corners of your home, your eyes viciously roaming your surroundings and fear coursing through your veins as you worry the item may never be found again.

That blind panic when you think you’ve lost your phone or keys 😭

The title of this post is reminiscent of a book by writer Cecelia Ahern, which I remember reading as a child. Although I can’t recall much of the book’s plot line (sorry!), the idea conveyed in the title is intriguing. Could you imagine if there was a faraway place where lost things went? The one airpod that you gave up searching for many years ago, those pair of trousers you loved that magically went missing, and – of course – 101 pairs of odd socks. I often imagine that there is and picture my lost things laughing at me as I get all hot and bothered trying to find them. Not like that helps matters, of course.

The truth is, with lots of these little things I lose on a day to day life will indeed go on but my mind whispers irrational lies, telling me now the ‘order’ in my life has been disrupted and even if that disruption is minor, it will be felt. I’ll often go to sleep after losing something and as a result start dreaming about the item, that I recover it only to wake up to the reality that it is indeed lost.

A second truth is that this shows I probably value my material items way more than I should (I know, very unbiblical of me) but that’s a blog post for another day.

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Have you ever lost any items important to you and how did you feel when you did? Did you find it/them again?

Thought of the day: Riding solo

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Recently I’ve been feeling like life is for the taking, however, I’ve been holding back on seizing cool opportunities and experiences I want to have because I have no one to do them with sometimes. Sounds silly, doesn’t it?

Me casually treating myself to brunch on my day off last month

Typically, and inevitably with adult life, you will have moments where everyone seems busy and dates can’t align for certain occasions. Sometimes you spend so long coordinating dates with people for events you miss out on tickets or end up deciding to do something you’re less passionate about as a compromise, for the sake of friendship quality time. Then afterwards there would be these underlying bubbling resentment, as if my friend’s business prevented me from going to event x, when I could have just gone anyway (even if it does mean riding solo)! So, these days I’m starting to learn to still consider going to things anyway.

It’s an attitude that is growing popular amongst many people nowadays, from what I see. It’s likely what is fuelling the rise in ‘solo travelling’, and to be fair, I can see the appeal. Travelling along means fewer compromises and more control over your itinerary and experience. Even outside of travelling, doing things like having meals alone can be nice. A little treat/ dating thy self! It’s a nice way to carve that ever-so-important ‘me time’ that’s needed to reflect and recuperate before jumping back on the fast-moving train of life. When you do it the first few times you get paranoid that the waiter and people around you (who are all – surprise surprise – in groups) are judging you. But over time you care about these things less – on a basic level you’re hungry and want to be fed, is it a crime to be hungry alone? I think not.

Admittedly though, for me anyway, not every experience is for doing alone and there is a beauty in shared experiences that I still love. And practically speaking, there’s safety in numbers (especially when abroad.) I also, as someone who can be socially anxious, always appreciate having company I feel safe around and that I can navigate social situations with. However, being open and willing to do things alone doesn’t necessarily mean having to choose whether to be a loner or social butterfly, it just gives you more options – and we’re a big of those around here!

Thought of the Day: City or countryside?

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Do you fancy yourself more as a city or countryside type of person? I say this as someone, a city girl, who has spent the week retreating in the latter. I stayed in a comfy lodge with a hot tub, surrounded by English greenery, sky and sheep. 🐑

Photo from this week’s trip in Hampshire (SE England) .

At my heart, I think I enjoy the hustle and bustle of the city – the endless things to do and see constantly sweeping you off your feet. But every now and then I find myself worn out by this exact thing that often energises me and need to dip out for a change of scenery. It was nice to sit on a patio, look up at the sky and see stars shining in all their glory.

I do wonder, though when I’m older if things will change and I’ll want time to slow down and relax since it gets harder and harder to do so with city and living. I find that I crave time to look back and savour memories but want to balance that with not wasting a day of life, and making new great ones! Is it just me? 😅🤔 Feel free to comment below if you relate.

Thought of the Day: Creativity is dead

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When I’m working my way through a period of writer’s block sometimes, I become disillusioned with creativity. Have we reached the peak of it? Is there any such thing as a new idea? Is there anything new I have to say that hasn’t been said a million times before?

It probably doesn’t help when I listen to new music and start to feel that all songs sound the same. Just sampling and remixing old songs to a new funky beat. You hear the beginning and think ‘oh, it’s that song‘ and then it’s not, it’s in fact a different song completely. Sure, it does create something new but to some extent, it feels like its originality is tainted in a way. Some do say, when it comes to music there’s only so many chords so it’s inevitable things will start to sound the same over time.

Similarly, the overuse of cliches in TV and film does make me wonder if the era of original characters and plot lines has disappeared. Are we forever going to have romcoms that recycle the same ‘enemies to lovers’ plot line? Or the plot line where they pretend to be a couple and end up eventually falling in love? How much of the same recycled ideas can we keep consuming without fatigue?

Anyway, it doesn’t look completely hopeless and every time I consume something new and original that I like, I have hope. Whether, that’s a new song, book, film or show. My current watch on Netflix, They Cloned Tyrone – is a very wacky, sci-fi watch that is unlike anything I’ve seen before and such originality has proven refreshing if anything.

What I’ve realised is that not every story has been told, and life, in all its richness, provides us with a wealth of ideas to spin into creative, artistic gold. In particular, there are so many stories from marginalised communities and overshadowed periods of history that have not yet gotten the exposure they deserve. We’re only just starting to see these stories and art receive the limelight they deserve, so despite my doom-and-gloom rant at the start, it is indeed also an exciting time to be consuming art.

On a related note, there are so many independent artists out there with talent and unique ideas that aren’t getting the shine they deserve. It’s unfortunately creativity in the mainstream that tends to recycle old ideas and be formulaic. The main reason for that? Money. I recall reading a tweet where someone said even though cliches are bad, we keep using them because they work. They still garner interest and generate money for Hollywood, production companies, etc. It’s why it’s important for us to support independent talent and content – whether it’s short films or web series you find on YouTube or artists you find on Instagram.

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Photo by AbsolutVision on Unsplash

True Crime Trauma

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I was inspired to write this after recently listening to one of my favourite podcasts, The Friend Zone (much recommended). One of the podcast hosts, Francesca, a True Crime fan like myself, described why she has had to dial but on her consumption of true crime content.

There are many noticeable podcasts in this area that are doing well and that I admittedly enjoy listening to weekly. To name a few, this includes; Crime Junkie, Generation Why and RedHanded.

However, when you think about what you’re actually consuming and the traumatic nature of it – kidnappings, murder, rape, assault, etc, it’s no wonder why it may start to negatively affect the mind. Sure, we hear about such things on the news, but we do so typically in a spaced-out fashion and in moderation. If you’re bingeing true crime content, that could be several hours of shut content being absorbed by the brain.

The likelihood is though, the incidents you hear about on podcasts (fraud aside) are statistically rare or happened over long periods of time. In other words, you probably need to be less worried about it than you think. For example, l listened to a podcast about a baby-swapping case the other day. If I was a pregnant woman doing so, I might suddenly start to think ‘Oh goodness’ and start to enter a state of worry. Then, because of that, I may delve into more true crime content on baby kidnappings to do ‘research’ which just exacerbates the worry, when in actual fact, statistically speaking this isn’t something to be very worried about.

Francesca talked about how the podcasts had started to affect her dreams and make her feel anxious. She, like myself, eventually resolved to stop listening to such podcasts at night for that reason. I think especially for female true crime fans, we already live in a world that is dangerous for us, so listening to such horrors can indeed create a heightened sense of fear. It may manifest itself in different ways, for example, when I would be walking home at night, I would get very paranoid and a bit scared if someone was walking behind me, even if doing so innocently. I can imagine, especially for people that live alone, you may suddenly start to feel your house isn’t secure enough, or if you hear a noise a night your heartbeat may go into overdrive. In general, it can make you less trusting in people too because, very bluntly put, everyone has the potential to be someone who wrongs you or violates that trust.

‘So why put yourself through that?’, you ask. Sure, it’s true there are plenty of more ‘positive’ podcasts around. But, I do think you learn a lot from true crime podcasts – a lot of cases from the past, probably not widely known about by many, are the reason we have certain laws in place today – e.g. Amber alerts. If you’re like me, although you can easily become disillusioned with the goodness of humanity when hearing the various ways people can be evil, you can instead choose to adopt the oppositive mindset. And that is to be more appreciative of the good people do, when it’s done, knowing they could have chosen to do worse but didn’t.

*Photo by David von Diemar on Unsplash

Thought of the Day: The hidden scars of words

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We probably don’t think enough about how our words interact with our memory and consequently shape our lives. Someone can say something and even if it’s something said mindlessly or off the cuff, someone around them may remember it for a lifetime. It’s quite scary to think about really, and makes you realise communication in any form comes with a heavier sense of responsibility than we think.

To provide a brief example, I remember watching an episode of The Simpsons where Marge takes her daughter Lisa on a shopping trip to try some clothes on. When Lisa comes out the of changing room in an outfit, Marge in passing makes a comment about her body which was clearly said with no malice, but throughout the rest of the episode, we see it starts to trigger insecurities about her body that Lisa never had before. There was a memorable scene where they show what it looks like inside Lisa’s mind. It’s a land of fields and clear blue skies and fairies. But when her mum makes that comment the word becomes a stone statue in the middle of that land, taking up room and spoiling the landscape, which was once peaceful.

However, towards the end of the episode, we see that even most of the adults in Springfield (the town where The Simpsons live) have been scarred in the past by something said to them – with that one word now following them around, a stone statue in their own minds. Marge in particular had been scarred by something her own mum said to her so the incident with Lisa was almost like a subtle cycle which she had continued, unintentionally, of course.

The ability to easily detach ourselves from our words is probably how some bullies sleep well at night. They just speak as they wish, unaware of the harm they do with their harsh words on a regular basis to those around them. Whatever end we are on when it comes to harsh words – whether we say them or receive them, we need to be better at reflecting on things said and speaking up. Whether it’s saying ‘sorry’ or ‘the way you said that made me feel comfortable/hurt me/was disrespectful’ we need to communicate to lessen potential damage which could trickle into the future. I mean, you can’t get a refund on words or turn back time – but that’s the next best thing!

Opening the parenting rulebook

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Parenting is something I find to be both equally fascinating and horrifying in equal measure. Note, I say this as a person with parents and observer of such relationships, rather than a parent or parent-to-be. You carrying something in your stomach for nine months and suddenly, after a lot of pain and anguish, it’s staring at you – in all its doe-eyed baby glory. Although I can imagine the euphoria a lot of parents feel in that moment staring at their newborn (‘I made that!’), I could imagine feeling a sense of blind panic too. You’re holding this little, dependent creature with a heartbeat and its own thoughts that YOU now have to take and be responsible for. After that your life changes forever, suddenly you enter parentland, with all of its blessings, stigmas and challenges.

There are no fixed rules on how to parent (despite what some self-help books may say) so, to some extent, the whole 18 years (+) feels like a social experience with unpredictable consequences. I can imagine it being slightly annoying because with physical health, yes there’s lots of straightforward rules to follow to nurture a thriving child. But mentally when it comes to understanding your child and fostering a relationship with them? The rules suddenly become a bit muddy. And to some extent you know but don’t know what you’re getting into but just hope, with God’s aid, the outcome is in your favour.

Parental relationships are the blueprint for all others one forms in their life so there’s a lot of pressure to get them right. I often hear some say, no one knows what they’re doing – they just make it up as they go along, and perhaps that’s an encouraging mindset. Because sometimes you look at people interacting with their children and it just seems like they have it down to an art, but you honestly don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. Yes, there may be screaming matches with their child(ren) but there may also be a creeping sense of loneliness, that I can imagine often pervades the lives of many single parents, mothers especially.

Watching the show Ginny and Georgia on Netflix (yes, I had to find an excuse to bring in my latest watch), makes you realise that yes, the art of parenting can in fact be one of the most challenging things in this life. Many parents battle lots of demons personally and that may not end with the entrance of a child into the world. Especially during their teenage years when you’re forced to take a slight step back to give them room to be independent, learn and breathe. The selflessness being a mother in particular requires is quite breathtaking. I’ve seen it in the little things my mum does for me like putting some of her food on my plate or rushing from work to my school assemblies regardless of how inconvenient or tiring the journey. Similarly, I’ve seen it in my dad; whether its him driving me places – no questions asked and at short notice- or hurriedly making me a late night omelette so I don’t go to sleep hungry. I’m thankful for the sheer patience and hard working my parents have never failed to show. Looking back on life and my childhood, I see the road for them has not always been easy but they’ve waded through God knows, how many storms praying they’ll see a day when my siblings and I were independent and thriving. I can only pray I get the blessing to follow their footsteps in such a way.

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Do you have any good or funny parenting or childhood memories with a parent? Comment below! 🙂