Tag: Story

The many faces of a predator – A review of docuseries, ‘Betrayal: The Perfect Husband’

Posted on by Han_A

TW: This series and my review about it concern grooming and sexual assault

About

This three-episode docuseries, available on Disney+ explores a case featured in the (apparently) well-known podcast – Betrayal (season 1).

In 2019, teacher Spencer Herron was arrested for sexual assault of a pupil and eventually pleaded guilty. This shocked everyone around him who saw him as a happy husband and passionate teacher, who taught at the local high school (whilst occasionally doing music work with the army.)

The series mainly follows Jenifer Faison, a reality TV producer (if I recall correctly) Spencer’s ex-wife, and the Betrayal podcast host who unpack the series of events and discoveries that follow Spencer’s arrest.

My thoughts

Although I am a massive podcast fan, particularly of stories told in an investigative manner (think Serial, Dirty John and Hoaxed), having visuals to aid the storytelling for this particular story was useful and refreshing. As someone who is a fan of efficiency too, I suspect the series tells the story slightly faster than the podcast does so I feel like I’ve won back more of my time overall! Although I’m sure referring to the podcast is a good idea if you want further details possibly not covered in the series.

Sexual predators have a knack for being able to wear different masks accordingly. They do so with strategy and at all times. Why? Because without such deceit, their offenses would not be possible. Grooming and any assault that follows thrives on secrecy. Jennifer describes how Spencer was nothing but loving towards her, she recalls fond memories of him being attentive and doting as a boyfriend, and later as her husband. It’s why what happened next (i.e. him being arrested) was a rather abrupt series of events for her – she never saw it coming from a million miles away. And with one arrest her life started to collapse around her as more secrets were revealed.

Wearing masks, or rather crafting public perception carefully means that predators are always under the radar. Spencer is described as a popular teacher, the one the kids found ‘cool’. He even won a Teacher of the Year award in their district, for goodness sake. This is important to note because it means when allegations of such come out people usually react first with incredulity – ‘Spencer doing that? Surely not’. He’s such ‘a good man’. Of course, this isn’t true, he’s worked hard to ensure you only see a manufactured positive side to him that would ensure he avoided suspicion. It also paints a picture of what a survivor is up against if they want to speak out – who would believe that Mr Good guy teacher would do such a thing? The next assumption is that the accuser must have an agenda up their sleeves. Belief in their claims and solidarity with the survivor never occurs as an option to some. The uphill mountain can be steep enough for survivors to be scared silent altogether. However, there’s so much power in speaking out and I appreciate they were able to dedicate an episode to the survivor, Rachel’s story.

I think this series, although on a topic that is sadly not new, is done well and handled very sensitively. It explores the raw emotions and talks with various people affected by the chain of events – from Jennifer herself who had to deal with the unprecedented events of the person she was married to being an abuser and serial adulterer, to Jennifer’s parents and the various pupils taught by Spencer Heron. There was a saddening moment when Jennifer’s mum in the middle of talking said that this was the first time, she’d properly acknowledged that she had so much anger about this situation. It was a striking moment for her and one that stuck with me – I nearly welled up at that moment actually.

Properly respecting the story and experiences of those affected by a crime is always a sign of a good documentary or podcast for me. We often spend too long trying to psychoanalyse and ‘understand’ criminals themselves and whilst I can understand the appeal it means we often lose the voices of survivors in the process. A balance must be struck and this series aside, many media outlets have a lot of work to do in that regard.

It’s confirmed what I’ve always thought – that unfortunately, many sex offenders do not get as harsh a sentence as they deserve for the damage, they’ve inflicted on the community they reside and offend within. Whilst no bodies have to be buried, the scars they leave are deep and painful, often never leaving those affected – especially direct victims.

Recommend?

Anyway, I would recommend the watch – it’s very informative, the series is peppered with psychological insight from professionals which helps dive deeper into the story it’s covering but be warned it’s not an easy one.

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For reviews of a similar topic, click here (Netflix series, the Trials of Gabriel Fernandez) or here (review of book, My Dark Red Vanessa).

Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash

You Had to Be There

Posted on by Han_A

Sometimes moments are just for us

Between us two

Between our eyes, between our hearts, between our lips.

As gravity pulls us down and love draws us closer

We’re sworn to silence with

echoes of laughter

It’s often very hard to capture certain moments you experience in words. This is why I’ve often been in awe when celebrities who go on late night shows like Graham Norton retell funny stories with the enthusiasm and enough dramatics in the right places to have you hooked and eventually chuckling. Perhaps the skill partially lies in their acting training, after all mastering the ability to create whole worlds with your words would, naturally I presume, make you a great storyteller. It’s likely they’ve had practice telling certain stories too since I’m sure some have the ability to be natural crowd-pleasers wherever they go.

However, on the other hand, sometimes when I retell a story I can just hear myself letting the story down, not doing justice to the moment itself and how vivid or exciting it was. How scared or taken by surprise I was. Or how elated I felt. It’s almost feels like how when you boil certain vegetables, they tend to lose the goodness they hold in their raw state. You’ve experienced the ‘raw goodness’ of the moment (so to speak) and now or you can serve those who weren’t there is the boiled leftovers of that moment.

Moment 4 Life

To be honest, this inability to capture some moments in words is not always a bad thing. It can actually make you more appreciative of the moments you share with those close to you because it’s likely that outside of the bubble of that moment between you and the people within it, the magic of it cannot be recreated.

Sometimes when on the verge of such moments I often get excited and – with the anticipation – even feel a tinge of sadness as I imagine the moment fizzling to an end and becoming a simple memory. Does anyone else experience that or is it just me? The best way to describe it is like the anticipation you feel as you bake something and are watching the batter rise in the tin through the small oven window. You’ve done everything the recipe instructed, and now you’re expecting greatness. Of course, with moments you experience there’s lot of other factors that come into consideration; even if you’re with your favourite people or person in a great place, moods, actions and conversation need to align to create that magical spark you’ll remember for years to come when recollecting that period. It’s not often the spark happens, but when it does – especially unexpected – it’s really beautiful.

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Thanks for reading. Don’t forget to follow my blog here and on Instagram @TheArtofChatter

Liked this topic? You can find another post I’ve done exploring the nature of memories here or one on special moments here.

*Featured Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Uber Horror stories

Posted on by Han_A

I’ve noticed my posts tend to be rather serious and topical so I have decided to do something different and more lighthearted this time around. I mean, we could all use more content like that right now, amirite?

Even today as I write this, I just today experienced a less than satisfactory Uber trip where the driver ended up dropping me around the block from the actual destination. He apologised saying he doesn’t know the area very well and I got out the car and walked it to my brother’s house which was the destination concerned. It can be very annoying when drivers don’t know the local area very well but that’s only one of a host of frustrations when it comes to booking an Uber.

Although many drivers have 4+ stars it’s really not accurate reflection of their service. Many just give high ratings to their drivers because it’s a much longer process to try and explain via the app why you want to mark them down. If their driving was dodgy or dangerous, the car smelt or you were sexually harassed – how do do such situations justice through the vague categories you’re forced to choose via the complaints menu on the app?

I remember getting an Uber from Kings Cross station (North London) one time in the evening. I can’t remember the events of the day, I just remember it had been a long day, I was tired and not willing to battle the public on public transport in order to get home. I ordered an Uber and stood rather awkwardly at the edge of the pavement on a busy junction waiting for it to arrive. I suddenly received a notice saying the car was nearby so I put my attention to detail glasses on and started analysing passing car number plates. Next thing I know the car was darting passed me and driving down an adjoining road which is NOT what I placed as the meeting point. Knowing you only have two minutes to enter the car before the ride is cancelled I called him in an attempt to get him to drive up again and nearer towards me. Maybe 5-7 minutes later I finally get in the car, sweaty and frustrated. It’s a shared Uber so a male stranger is casually spread out in the front passenger seat and gives me an amused stare as I enter. The driver turns to be and says he’s so sorry but I have to exit because my order has been cancelled.

AFTER ALL THAT. I really could not explain the frustration I felt on that day. A fire breathing dragon is an accurate visual image right now if you want to try and imagine the rage and annoyance I was feeling. Once I was standing on the road again outside the station the question is; should I risk more money on another Uber or just finally take public transport (an option that looking slightly more attractive with every second that passes.)

Experience has taught me that every Uber you order comes with risk.

Other negative experiences I’ve had include my Uber being STOLEN by a couple standing nearby who I now suspect were simply pretending to wait for an cab themselves so they could pounce. On the same day another driver I had booked before the stolen ride refused to properly tell me where when I called him which inevitably led to the ride being cancelled. You can bet I requested my money back for BOTH of those rides. Another time we were rather aggressively shouted out by our driver who insisted we get out the car and re-enter so we don’t ruin his new white leather interior. (Which no one told you to get, sir.)

These experiences do make me think more widely about some of the toxic relationships we have with certain brands. Despite bad experiences with them – whether it be with the customer service or product itself we keep going back and why?? I keep saying I will delete the Uber app, because realistically there are many attractive competitors that have arisen and established themselves – Free Now (formerly Kapten), Bolt and Ola for instance. But realistically, the reason why we do continue to engage with such brands is because we’re optimists at heart. With every order or purchase we hope for the best – it’s what we know we deserve – as paying consumers who are loyal and have rights. It’s just unfortunate these brands themselves don’t see us that way.

These are my obsessions: K-dramas

Posted on by Han_A

 

Interesting-Facts-About-South-Korea-Flag-republic-of-korea

My addiction/ love of K-dramas came after watching my first good one. I say this because the first actual one I watched (Jealousy Incarnate) didn’t really grab my interest so I thought nothing much of it. With each episode in that series being over an hour long and barely keeping up with the subtitle pace, it definitely wasn’t love at first sight. That changed when I sat down with my uni housemates one night to watch the drama ‘Cheese in The Trap’. Thinking back to then, it wasn’t the greatest drama I’ve watched but I was firstly, amused by the name and secondly, as I continued to watch the drama in love with the protagonist’s relatable awkwardness.

It escalated pretty fast after that. I mainly watch crime and romance shows and although I feel South Korea does them best I have watched a few from China and Taiwan. For me one thing I do love about K-drama’s is they are free from most of the Western clichés you see (particularly in American dramas). However, they still have clichés of their own. Basic things I have observed:

  • Fate, loyalty and friendship are big themes you will find in some shape or form in each drama. For instance, in a few romance dramas the main characters have unknowingly met in their past as if to imply they were destined to be together. Exhibit A: the show Cinderella and Four Knights.
  • K-dramas can be a bit more conservative when it comes to romance; this probably partly because TV is more closely censored than film (which is another ball game- you only need to watch one to realise.)
  • Female characters can be marmite. My likability for show does strongly depend on the depictions of females within it. Females that are always damsels in distress or highly emotional slowly annoy you; although I’ll make an exception for The K2.
  • No-one is ever as they seem in a good K-drama. Even the ones you come to hate/love have a backstory or change sides due to events within the drama. This adds a layer of realism to the dramas as they seek to portray the complexity of individuals; humans are complicated things after all.

 

A lot of K-pop singers dabble in acting also but this is something you’re unlikely to realise unless you research the dramas and actors like me. (I’m weird like that.) I also like watching behind the scenes footage and cast interviews since they can be pretty funny. For those that want to test run a series; I will be posting some of my recommendations up soon 😉 I also have another obsession I will be revealing in a part (2).

Have a good weekend.