Tag: Life

Thought of the day: Riding solo

Posted on by Han_A

Recently I’ve been feeling like life is for the taking, however, I’ve been holding back on seizing cool opportunities and experiences I want to have because I have no one to do them with sometimes. Sounds silly, doesn’t it?

Me casually treating myself to brunch on my day off last month

Typically, and inevitably with adult life, you will have moments where everyone seems busy and dates can’t align for certain occasions. Sometimes you spend so long coordinating dates with people for events you miss out on tickets or end up deciding to do something you’re less passionate about as a compromise, for the sake of friendship quality time. Then afterwards there would be these underlying bubbling resentment, as if my friend’s business prevented me from going to event x, when I could have just gone anyway (even if it does mean riding solo)! So, these days I’m starting to learn to still consider going to things anyway.

It’s an attitude that is growing popular amongst many people nowadays, from what I see. It’s likely what is fuelling the rise in ‘solo travelling’, and to be fair, I can see the appeal. Travelling along means fewer compromises and more control over your itinerary and experience. Even outside of travelling, doing things like having meals alone can be nice. A little treat/ dating thy self! It’s a nice way to carve that ever-so-important ‘me time’ that’s needed to reflect and recuperate before jumping back on the fast-moving train of life. When you do it the first few times you get paranoid that the waiter and people around you (who are all – surprise surprise – in groups) are judging you. But over time you care about these things less – on a basic level you’re hungry and want to be fed, is it a crime to be hungry alone? I think not.

Admittedly though, for me anyway, not every experience is for doing alone and there is a beauty in shared experiences that I still love. And practically speaking, there’s safety in numbers (especially when abroad.) I also, as someone who can be socially anxious, always appreciate having company I feel safe around and that I can navigate social situations with. However, being open and willing to do things alone doesn’t necessarily mean having to choose whether to be a loner or social butterfly, it just gives you more options – and we’re a big of those around here!

Thought of the Day: City or countryside?

Posted on by Han_A

Do you fancy yourself more as a city or countryside type of person? I say this as someone, a city girl, who has spent the week retreating in the latter. I stayed in a comfy lodge with a hot tub, surrounded by English greenery, sky and sheep. 🐑

Photo from this week’s trip in Hampshire (SE England) .

At my heart, I think I enjoy the hustle and bustle of the city – the endless things to do and see constantly sweeping you off your feet. But every now and then I find myself worn out by this exact thing that often energises me and need to dip out for a change of scenery. It was nice to sit on a patio, look up at the sky and see stars shining in all their glory.

I do wonder, though when I’m older if things will change and I’ll want time to slow down and relax since it gets harder and harder to do so with city and living. I find that I crave time to look back and savour memories but want to balance that with not wasting a day of life, and making new great ones! Is it just me? 😅🤔 Feel free to comment below if you relate.

Opening the parenting rulebook

Posted on by Han_A

Parenting is something I find to be both equally fascinating and horrifying in equal measure. Note, I say this as a person with parents and observer of such relationships, rather than a parent or parent-to-be. You carrying something in your stomach for nine months and suddenly, after a lot of pain and anguish, it’s staring at you – in all its doe-eyed baby glory. Although I can imagine the euphoria a lot of parents feel in that moment staring at their newborn (‘I made that!’), I could imagine feeling a sense of blind panic too. You’re holding this little, dependent creature with a heartbeat and its own thoughts that YOU now have to take and be responsible for. After that your life changes forever, suddenly you enter parentland, with all of its blessings, stigmas and challenges.

There are no fixed rules on how to parent (despite what some self-help books may say) so, to some extent, the whole 18 years (+) feels like a social experience with unpredictable consequences. I can imagine it being slightly annoying because with physical health, yes there’s lots of straightforward rules to follow to nurture a thriving child. But mentally when it comes to understanding your child and fostering a relationship with them? The rules suddenly become a bit muddy. And to some extent you know but don’t know what you’re getting into but just hope, with God’s aid, the outcome is in your favour.

Parental relationships are the blueprint for all others one forms in their life so there’s a lot of pressure to get them right. I often hear some say, no one knows what they’re doing – they just make it up as they go along, and perhaps that’s an encouraging mindset. Because sometimes you look at people interacting with their children and it just seems like they have it down to an art, but you honestly don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. Yes, there may be screaming matches with their child(ren) but there may also be a creeping sense of loneliness, that I can imagine often pervades the lives of many single parents, mothers especially.

Watching the show Ginny and Georgia on Netflix (yes, I had to find an excuse to bring in my latest watch), makes you realise that yes, the art of parenting can in fact be one of the most challenging things in this life. Many parents battle lots of demons personally and that may not end with the entrance of a child into the world. Especially during their teenage years when you’re forced to take a slight step back to give them room to be independent, learn and breathe. The selflessness being a mother in particular requires is quite breathtaking. I’ve seen it in the little things my mum does for me like putting some of her food on my plate or rushing from work to my school assemblies regardless of how inconvenient or tiring the journey. Similarly, I’ve seen it in my dad; whether its him driving me places – no questions asked and at short notice- or hurriedly making me a late night omelette so I don’t go to sleep hungry. I’m thankful for the sheer patience and hard working my parents have never failed to show. Looking back on life and my childhood, I see the road for them has not always been easy but they’ve waded through God knows, how many storms praying they’ll see a day when my siblings and I were independent and thriving. I can only pray I get the blessing to follow their footsteps in such a way.

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Do you have any good or funny parenting or childhood memories with a parent? Comment below! 🙂

Thought of the Day: Hindsight is always 20/20

Posted on by Han_A

There is a power in the passing of time. Moments and memories that were once fragile or sore scabs in the mind, heal with time. I find the that ultimate sign of this happening successfully is when you can look back at a once painful or embarrassing moment and laugh at it. It no longer has a hold on you, its grip loosening with each laugh.

Similarly, choices that were not so wise can be viewed with clarity when once upon a time reflection was too painful or you were blinded with regret. Former contestant from popular Netflix reality TV show, Love is Blind, Iyanna on a podcast talked about this when asked about her relationship with the person she was married to on the show. They’ve now split up but reflecting on the relationship as time has gone by has helped her realise and notice things she didn’t before. In a way, it has unexpectedly helped her healing journey. Time passing allows you to find perspective, and see the memory from a different point of view. Yes, time doesn’t heal all scars but there’s something beautiful about its ability to aid the process.

However, it does mean in the process of going through difficult or uncomfortable times patience is needed. There will be a time you’ll look back on that particular period and only gain strength from it. From the fact you endured and came out the other side, despite the fact you thought it may not be possible. Or perhaps you may look back and think ‘Thank God I’m not there anymore’ and, to be honest, that’s okay too.

*Photo by Thomas Grams on Unsplash

Thought of the Day: What women want

Posted on by Han_A

We live in a society with a lot of options so I often feel the weight of indecision when going into certain situations. For example, you go to the supermarket to buy crackers and cheese and you’re faced with about 25 brands of crackers alone (like, why?) However, there are times when you may go guns blazing into a situation, knowing exactly what you want. And it’s VERY annoying in those circumstances when you make it crystal clear what you want and it’s still doubted for some reason.

You say ‘no’ and people think ‘ahh, she just means ‘not yet’.

You say ‘no’ and people think ‘she’ll say yes with a bit of persuading.’

And why? What part of ‘no’ or a ‘yes’ is so confusing? This often happens, surprise surprise, to women because God forbid they be highly rational or know what they want when they make decisions. It’s why we have to give credit to female entrepreneurs and CEOs – I honestly can’t imagine how often they face this issue on a regular basis and yet they still make moves and get things done. It must be tiring, constantly jumping through hoops and hoping people take your decisions at face value.

Anyway, that rant is to segue into my recent story of a grapple with customer services this week. I decided to save some money and cancel a subscription from a certain well-known British TV service provider. I made this very clear when I called – the automatic voice when you call customer services asks the purpose of your call and then so does the human adviser when you finally get through to one. For a straightforward request, I was shocked to find myself on the phone for over an hour trying to cancel my subscription. I was forwarded to three or four people, all as unhelpful as the other. In fact, they were even trying to sell me MORE things during the call (can you believe it?) The cheek. During and after the call I was fuming – it was a hairpulling experience, to say the least. I finished that call unsuccessful with my request. I decided the next day to call again and go in guns blazing, being very clear about what I wanted. I think I even said something along the lines of ‘Can we make this process quick please since I’m working and don’t have much time to spend on this.’ Result? A shorter call overall and my cancellation was successful.

The moral of that story isn’t to be rude to customer service but sometimes being firm and repetitive about what you want can never hurt.

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Read more about my ramblings with customer services in this previous post.

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Photo by Negative Space

Thought of the Day: Everywhere all at once

Posted on by Han_A

Every now and then you get asked the age-old cliché ice breaker of ‘If you could pick one superpower would it be?’ Most people turn to a typical few answers – being invisible, being able to read people’s thoughts, and so on. Even I usually say to fly (typically accompanied by the joke that I’ll save a fortune on travelling, especially around London because it’s never been a cheap endeavour.) However, do you know what one power is underrated? Being able to duplicate/clone yourself. I mean yes, it’s a bit of a scary prospect but for me, that’s outweighed by its various and obvious benefits.

One thing that can be stressful about trying to organise your social calendar is when things conflict – two parties at the same time, someone having a dinner whilst you’re on holiday. Most of the time you equally want to go to both and can imagine you’ll enjoy whichever one you choose which makes it more painful that you can’t be at both places at once. To avoid stress and keep some integrity, my general rule at the moment on such occasions is that I’ll try and honour the first commitment I make. It makes things easier practically but emotionally it can sometimes still be hard to reject something else.

On the other hand, if you could duplicate yourself, imagine the possibilities. Double the experiences and knowledge at all times! One of me could be working full time and my clone could be exploring the world, ticking country after country off my bucket list. Time is such a rare commodity these days, perhaps you could slowly claw some of it back as you strategically use your clones(s) to attend events on your behalf.

I’ll end by bringing this post down to Earth because, of course, I know no one can duplicate themselves (if you can, please comment below and make yourself know😁.) And to some extent, there are benefits behind this limitation – because our time and where we can be at any one time is limited, it makes how we spend it more meaningful. When you go to a friend’s birthday or housewarming do, for example, it makes it more meaningful to know that you could have been anywhere else but decided to not go to those and instead came to support/spend time with you.

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Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Nostalgic highs: thinking of ‘Better days’

Posted on by Han_A

We love to reminisce about the past as a species, don’t we? Thinking of better days, whether it was when we were younger and more naïve (a preferred state of living for some but I can’t necessarily relate) or when we had fewer responsibilities on our shoulders and more time to play with. It’s probably one of many things that distinguishes us from animals since – well as far as we know anyway – they don’t come back from hunting sessions and think to themselves ‘remember the days when there wasn’t climate change…’. Or maybe they do, who knows. They do say an elephant never forgets but do they just have impressive memories or do they interact with their memories like we do and experience feelings such as nostalgia and sadness as a reaction? One for any scientist readers to answer if you know! (😉)

Anyway, back out from that rabbit hole of a tangent. I’m very prone to nostalgia these days. Goodness me, all it takes is a good 00s or 90s Spotify playlist (think Destiny’s Child, Missy Elliott and Mario or Sugababes and Misteeq) to take me back and create feelings of happiness. For many of us, it can be a coping mechanism, particularly to deal with the harsh realities of the present. In fact, you see many businesses and industries even capitalising on nostalgia and its power to make money. Think of all the reboots and remakes of old TV shows gracing our screens over the last few years, for example (Fuller House, Raven’s House, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air reboot) which rely on the nostalgic, now adult audiences that grew up with these shows for their successes. And as I said, nostalgia is powerful, people will definitely fork out a decent amount of money just to feel it and dwell in happy parts of the past for a period of time.

Nostalgia is one hell of a drug, as they say. And like all drugs, it can be dangerous too. Because, let’s face it, it doesn’t really have much use after a while. There’s a brief hit of euphoria and then, bam – it’s gone. You eventually have to jump of the cloud high it produces and feel the damp earth of reality under your feet again. Secondly, the passing of time doesn’t change actual facts. Our memory can sometimes distort how we experienced certain events – it’s the effect of ‘rose colour glasses’. That is, thinking everything in the past was a ‘better time’ when in fact, if factually compared – you are definitely in that ‘better time’ now! I for example, have many fond childhood memories but I remember youth – particularly around teenage years being plagued with a feeling of powerless and just wanting to grow up already so legally and resource-wise I could do more. It doesn’t mean you can’t reminisce fondly every now and then (God knows I can’t stop you) but don’t get so lost in the haze that you start to lose appreciation for the present, because there is value in the now too!

Perhaps there’s something we can learn from animals, who I assume are more forward-looking if anything. Because we spend so much time looking back when in fact, the future is probably more exciting to ponder on. Yes, it’s unwritten and unknown so lowkey scary in many ways because only God knows what will happen but that’s also its beauty.

*Photo by lil artsy

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What evokes feelings of nostalgia for you? Let me know in the comments 🙂

Thought of the Day: Believing in good days

Posted on by Han_A

Recently I’ve been thinking more about the ‘science’ (for lack of a better word) behind a bad day. Is purely it psychological, triggered by a series of external events or a perhaps mixture of both? Perhaps it works sometimes more like a self-fulfilling prophecy where if you think ‘oh boy, this day is gonna be bad’, it ends up being one?

My thinking down this ‘good day’ rabbit hole got me thinking about my previous post about being a morning person. Update from that post – I’m still not one so the struggle continues (I know, very sad.) However, I have started to realise the role mornings play in really helping set the tone for the day. The time to meditate, pray and do the occasional stretch (if I’m lucky) can really be a game-changer.

Of course, it may be possible to still start your morning right and have unfortunate series of events still warp your day into an unenjoyable one but there’s not much you can do about that.

When you’re lost in the heavy fogginess of a bad day it’s easy to mentally checkout and feel like you might as well as strap yourself for a day that is going downhill. At your lowest, you develop the opposite of rose-coloured glasses and start to feel mentally that your energy and patience levels are draining away. I would say planning little pockets of joy throughout a bad day is vital. These are just small things to look forward to and keep you going. Maybe it’s ensuring you listen to your favourite podcast or playlist as you work, saying a little prayer or texting a friend you know you can rely on for a dose of humour. Often when I’m stressed or feeling quite overwhelmed when I work, I’ll blast on some guilty pleasure tunes and let them fill the room. I know I can also always rely on a few close people to fill me with encouragement if I confide in them about the struggles I’m having that day. Sometimes it’s tough love but ultimately it’s good to get a different perspective since maybe the solution to turning your day around is easier than we think.

And for those reading this struggling with this week, wondering if good days are coming/ever returning, I promise you, they are. I can’t predict when but they’re coming so hold tight!

*Photo by Maria Oswalt on Unsplash

Thought of the day: The missing bestie

Posted on by Han_A

“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” – Proverbs 18:24

I feel like every year I learn something new and insightful about friendships. I strongly believe they have a God-ordained part in your life and are important for nurturing character and gaining wisdom. Every time I leave the house, I take a portable charger with me. The charger itself needs to be charged in order to boost my battery on the go. In the same way, we feed into other people, we need other people to feed into us – mentoring us, providing us with love and direction.

However, when I was younger, I remember being highly concerned that I didn’t have a best friend. You know, a BFF (best friend for life), a ‘bestie’. In children’s books, TV shows and even toy advertisements for girls, this idea of having a best friend who you always do everything and anything with is very prevalent. You make friendship bracelets for each other, go for sleepovers all the time and have birthday parties together. It filled me with a slight longing and sadness that I didn’t have one. Sometimes I thought am I missing out on something here?

Although, for the record, I did have a best friend when I was in my starting years of school (so around three to five years old) but we later lost contact when her and her family moved out of London. To be fair, last time I checked, long-distance relationships were not children’s strong point!) After that I just flittered between friendship groups at school like a social butterfly, gaining company where I could but not always feeling like I fully belonged anywhere.

I never really bothered giving anyone the label after that. Not because I didn’t want to but out of the fear that it wouldn’t be a mutual feeling; i.e. you call someone your best friend but to them, they actually think someone else is their best friend. To me that just sounded nightmarish since the whole point of ‘best friends’ to me was the element of a mutual agreement of your place in each other’s lives.

Yet, as I’ve gotten older it’s concerned me less as I find the pleasure many may get in one best friend in multiple people. I think my introverted nature also often means I enjoy my own company too, a lot more these days. In moments alone you find an incomparable peace, and for me, I am reminded of a God I have, who is everywhere and will never forsake me. (Deuteronomy 31:8) So although I may feel it sometimes, am I ever truly alone? Probably not.

*Photo by Walter Randlehoff on Unsplash

Thought of the Day: Ageing with pride

Posted on by Han_A

“Grey hair is a crown of splendour; it is attained in the way of righteousness.” (Proverbs 16:31).

When did we become so ashamed to age? To advance through life, accepting with it the advantages and disadvantages life may throw at you physically and mentally as you go along. We’re in a time where people causally have ‘botox parties’ or have regular injections to fight the signs of aging with the anti-aging industry likely being in the millions, if not billions of pounds. If there’s a way to run and hide from that looming shadow of ‘old age’, boy, will we run.

In particular, I increasingly come across many women who are never forthcoming about their age and it’s a bit of shame. In fact, you’ll often be in social situations where you have to think twice about broaching the topic of age with some people in case it causes offence. Which is actually bizarre when you think about it – surely, I’m just asking a factual question? I suspect the logic behind this taboo, which has emerged over time, to openly say your age when you reach a certain point in your life is due to the fact it makes it all the more real. Many worry, particularly, if they’re presumed by the crowd they’re with to be younger, if their real age is known, will they be viewed negatively now? As ignorant, slow or less able, perhaps? Whether you’re 43, 38, or 51 – that’s something to be proud of, wear that badge proudly. Each year that advances is another reason to be grateful, life is too short to be shrouded in shame about something you can’t control.

Of course, there’s wider societal factors at play here. Firstly, in many societies old age is painted as one filled with loneliness, money struggles and physical discomfort. Don’t get me wrong, the stats do show that these things can indeed become more prominent as you get older but it doesn’t have to define the life you have as you get older (I hope!). If that’s all you hear all the time, no wonder you would be scared to let go off your youth.

The media secondly, doesn’t portray enough instances of older or elderly people living fulfilling lives. Even for many actors and models in their industries, as soon as you reach a certain age, you’re only given the mum and grandma roles. For sports people, you go from being on the pitch, in the limelight to doing the commentator or show hosting jobs. There is undeniably a shift in If you’re heralded in the industry it usually correlates if you don’t actually resemble that age. We need more Mamma Mia-type films – where older actors are thriving and living their best lives, forming more intergenerational relationships (not just with family) and filled with a hope/positivity that keeps them going.

*Photo by Christian Bowen on Unsplash